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“You deserve someone who isn’t afraid, first off. Someone who can love you and be excited, not terrified of meeting your family. Someone who won’t constantly worry they’re about to disappoint you.”
“You’re not going to let me down. I know that.” Moving closer, I reached for his hand. When he let me hold it, my chest relaxed, and I took my first full inhale in several minutes. “And if you think I’m not scared…”
“Of course you are.” Cal’s voice had so much self-blame that I had to squeeze his hand even as he continued, “You’re scared because you know I have to leave. You deserve someone who sticks around. Someone who loves this town as much as you do. Someone who wants to put down roots, carve a whole new branch of the family tree.”
“I don’t want to give you roots.” I swung his hand lightly, trying to show him that there was plenty of give in our connection. “I want to give you wings. I’m not offering a choice between going and staying. That’s where I went wrong yesterday. I’m sorry for acting like it was a choice between me and your work. You need to keep diving. You do. It’s in your blood, and it’s your mission. You do amazing work, Cal. Go forth. Bring that missing sailor in Tahoe home to rest with his family. I don’t want to tie you down—”
Cal interrupted me with a loud snort.
“Other than when you ask nicely. What I mean is I can’t stop you from going. I only want to be the place you return to after the job is done. When you asked me to take you home today, that’s what I was hoping you meant. That this could be your home. The place you come back to.”
“You want to be my home?” he asked softly, a lot of the fight finally leaving his voice.
“Yes.” Testing my luck, I pulled him onto my lap, making a happy noise when he settled in and didn’t pull away. “You seem to think I’m settling by choosing you, but I’m winning. I’m winning big. All this talk of what I deserve. How about you ask me what I want?”
“What do you want?” Tipping his head back, he leaned his forehead onto my cheek.
“I want a person who’s loyal. Who loves me even though it scares them. Who loves me even when it’s hard. Even when I don’t entirely deserve it—”
“You always deserve it.” His breath slid across my skin, as warm and welcome as his words.
“Again with the loyal. A person who will stick up for me, even when I won’t do it for myself. I want the sexiest, kinkiest, cuddliest—”
“I’m cuddly?” he scoffed.
“You sleep like a baby koala. You can keep working on your awake cuddling game, but you give amazing massages, kiss like a dream, let me tie you up and have my way with you.”
“Can we do that now?” His eyes sparkled and the corners of his mouth lifted, but I faked a stern head shake in response.
“I think you want to escape hearing all the nice things I have to say about you. You’re the one I want. Period. You’re who I deserve, who I need, who I love.”
“You love me?” The brightness faded from his expression. “You don’t have to say it back simply because I said it.”
“Cal.” I groaned and squeezed him tightly against me. “You make me want everything. I want to be here when you come back. I want to hear about your recovery missions. Heck, I want to go along on some of your dives when my schedule allows, be there to support you. I want to watch and help you grow your foundation. I want you to let me help. I want to run podcast ideas by you. I want to grade papers in front of bad reality TV with you. You make my whole world brighter, better. Of course I love you. You make me want everything from the super boring TV—”
“Hey now, Timber’s dating adventures are not boring.” Cal snuffled into my neck. His eyelashes were suspiciously damp, but I knew better than to try to dry them.
“I want every damn dating show on repeat. Just for you. You make me want all the once-in-a-lifetime special, totally ordinary moments.” I tipped his head up so I could kiss him lightly. “Let me be your return address. That’s what I want.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” I blinked at him. After all that, he was going to agree that easily? I waited for the catch.
“You can be my return address, but I’m going to be your passport. Heck yes, you can come with me, but I’m taking you places. Hawaii. The Maldives. Maybe even Australia.”
“How about the couch?” I suggested, glancing toward the living room. There was only so much kissing we could do sharing my chair.
