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“You want me to meet your family?” Cal’s voice went from interested to truly alarmed on the word family.
“That is a traditional dating activity.” As always, I defaulted to humor to defuse Cal’s horror. This didn’t need to be a huge deal. “You met the friend group. Now you brave the family.”
“I’m not sure…” Mouth twisting, Cal trailed off. He busied himself retrieving two plates and silverware, setting them on the counter with a too-forceful clatter.
“It’s okay. Forget I said anything.” Luckily, I had tons of practice not letting my smile dip. “Mom will be back in town eventually, and Marley flits through from time to time.”
“I’m scared.” Cal’s harsh whisper cut through the room and my increasingly fake good mood.
“Oh. Baby, they’ll love you.” I rolled over to where he stood, putting a hand on his back. “You and Greg can hunker in the introvert’s corner and let my mom feed you and—”
“What if they do like me? And if I like them? Then what?”
I had to struggle not to laugh. This was serious business to Cal. He’d lost Ev and Ev’s family. The risk of caring for new people was one he didn’t take lightly, and I wished I had a magic solution to make things easier for him.
“You said you want me to trust you. Well, this is where you trust me. I’m planning to keep you around a good long time, in whatever capacity you’ll let me.” Under my palm, Cal’s back muscles tensed, so I started a gentle massage. “If you and the other most important people in my life get along, that’s easier on everyone.”
“Whatever capacity?” Pulling away from my touch, Cal sidestepped to turn and lean against the fridge. He grimaced, sucking in his cheeks and furrowing his forehead. “That doesn’t seem fair to you.”
“Help me understand. Do you not want to try dating again?” I softened my tone, trying not to let my hurt seep through. Cal stayed quiet, the sound of his breathing his only reply. Fuck. Maybe I’d read the situation all wrong. “I guess I assumed when you asked me to take you home that you meant…”
Cal shook his head. His expression was utter agony like he was in the middle of a field amputation. Only it was me losing a vital organ. I stared at him for several long moments, willing him to speak. But he didn’t, and the oven timer dinged.
“Guess that’s what I get for assuming.” I had to whisper to keep my voice light and steady. Rolling away from him, I grabbed the potholders, happy to shift my attention to the chiming oven. “Here. Let me at least rescue the food.”
“I’ll do it.” Cal plucked the potholders from my hands and removed the casserole in a single smooth motion.
“I could have done it. I’m used to cooking on my own.” My voice came out far too petulant, but I had a point. And I better get used to being solo again in a hurry. “Anyway, hand me those plates.”
“Holden. Stop.” Cal hugged the plates to himself like a shield.
“What?” Sometimes playing dumb was the only real option. “We still need to eat.”
“I don’t know how to love you like you deserve to be loved.”
“Ah.” The spatula I’d held clattered to the stovetop next to the steaming casserole. “It’s okay. You don’t have to love me. Not yet, especially.” Somehow dealing with Cal’s commitment-adverse mindset hurt far less than him stating the obvious. Of course he didn’t love me. It was too much, too soon, and if dating and meeting mothers struck terror in his heart, love was likely to cause a cardiac event. “I’m happy to just spend time together, whatever you’re comfortable with—”
Cal cut me off with a loud, frustrated huff. “Quit making excuses for me. Quit settling for less than you deserve.” Setting the plates next to the casserole, he waved a hand at me. “God, look at you, so willing to throw your own wants and happiness away. I never said I didn’t love you.”
“Oh.” I made a noise not unlike a balloon releasing all its air in a single gust, mouth remaining in perfect O long after the exhale. “You love me?”
“Yeah. Pretty sure I do. Never been in love before. And, like I said, I have no clue how to do it right. Heck, I even told you all wrong.”
“Not so wrong,” I whispered, but Cal was mid word spew.
“You deserve so much more than someone to spend time with.” Frowning, he pointed at me, and I could see a glimmer of the chief he’d been in the SEALs. Scary. Not someone to argue with.
“Why don’t you tell me then?” I was no green recruit, and Chief Phillips didn’t scare me near as much as the thought of losing Cal, the guy who meant damn near everything to me. “What do I deserve?”
