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Pivoting in my seat to see him better, I examine his face for any trace of dishonesty, but find none. “Are you up to something, Alex?”
“Me?” He asks innocently.
“Yes, you.” All of this is making me think that something is going on right under my nose with me still being blissfully unaware. “I don’t need you or anyone else out here trying to convince him that he’s making a mistake. The only thing worse than not having Sebastian in my life would be having him with me reluctantly.”
Alex waves his hand at me dismissively. “No, Julia, nothing like that. I’m not going to try and convince him of anything, don’t worry. I wouldn’t want you with someone that wasn’t going to fight for you, anyway.”
“Hm.” I cross my arms and lean back in the seat, feeling a strange combination of worried and amused. “I don’t know that I trust you, Alex, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.”
“Good.” Alex’s face grows serious once more. “I’ll always be your ally, Ju, and something tells me that you might need one sooner than you think. You can always turn to me, okay?”
Warmth glows in my chest. “Okay, Alex. I will. I love you.”
“Love you too, kid.”
***
As we pull up to the estate, my mind is still lost in thoughts of Sebastian and whatever weird things that Alex has cooking up regarding my recent breakup. I try to focus on school, but while I’ve been participating in my classes like always, none of the information seems to be sticking. Making a mental note to email Gabi to get some of her notes, it’s a relief that I can at least keep myself busy with college work instead of socializing with my mother.
Oh, Seb, do you have any idea how much I miss you?I think with an internal sigh. It’s impossible not to wonder if he ever thinks of me, if he still remembers the moments we shared.
If, by some terrible chance, he’s moved on already.
I try to shake off the sadness as we step out of the car, but it lingers like a heavy cloud over my head. The weekend stretches out ahead of me, feeling endless even though it’s just a few days. How am I going to get through it with my mind and heart full of the man that has left me heartbroken?
I miss his laugh, his smile, the way he would make me feel like I was the only person in the world that mattered. I miss the way he would hold me when I was upset, and how he always knew just what to say to make me feel better. And now he’s gone. I still can’t believe it. We were supposed to have a future together, and now that future is gone. We hadplans!
I wonder if Alex can see the sadness in my eyes, if he knows how much I’m hurting. But I don't want to burden him with my pain any more than I already have. Talking to him in the car actually helped me somewhat, and just because of that he’s done more to help than anything else has so far. My younger siblings are home, too, and I don’t want to bring anyone else down into this pit of depression with me.
As soon as Alex mentioned eloping, I knew that he was more involved in this entire thing that I originally thought. Elopement…I guess I never really considered it as an option. Weddings in my world are huge, preplanned affairs that have been organized down to the very minute. Could it really be that easy? Could Sebastian and I run away and get married without either of our parents being aware, without them having any say at all?
But then I remember Seb’s unwavering dedication to his father's approval and my hopes are dashed once again. Still, Alex’s earnest offer to help me elope feels strangely reassuring. Is he really serious about this? Or is he just trying to cheer me up? I know my brother loves me, but he’s also known for his mischievous streak. What could he be up to this time? I eye him warily as we get out of the car, wondering if there’s more to his offer than meets the eye. But when I asked him if he’s up to something, he just dismissed me and looked innocent. For a moment, I wonder if I’m being paranoid. Maybe I’m just looking for hidden meanings where there aren’t any. Or maybe...just maybe...Alex really does have a plan. Either way, I can’t shake the feeling that my life is about to take a dramatic turn.
As soon as we get inside the house, I can hear my mom greeting Alex, but I don’t even give her a chance to say hi to me. I rush up the stairs to lock myself in my bedroom, desperate for some time alone, and for the hours I have to spend here at the estate to pass quickly. I hear Mom calling after me, but it’s easy to ignore her, like she has ignored all of my feelings thus far.
I breathe a sigh of relief as I shut the bedroom door behind me and turn the lock. Logically, I know that my mother probably has a key, but at least I have a modicum of privacy for the time being.
I try to distract myself by reading a book or listening to music, but I can’t stop thinking about Sebastian and how things have gone to hell so fast. Without anything else to pass the time, I lay down on my bed, folding my hands under my pillow and touching something metal that surprises me. I pull it out, remembering all at once that it’s the picture of Sebastian and I dancing at the ball that I had framed and hidden weeks before. My little secret. I could have never imagined that things would spin out of control the way they have.
Touching the picture with a gentle finger, my heart aches at the sight of it. We were so happy then, so carefree, and now everything feels so heavy and complicated. The high of meeting Seb and the spark that ignited between us wasn’t even that long ago, but it feels like it was in another lifetime. I’d do anything to go back to that moment, when his mother and siblings were still alive and when there was still a chance for us. Maybe if we had eloped soon after that ball, we would be happily married and at peace right now, without our parents being able to do a single thing about it.
I think that Sebastian’s mother wouldn’t have minded our love match so much, though. I wish I had time to really get to know her, to see if she would have approved of me as a wife for her oldest son. Closing my eyes, I hold the picture to my chest and exhale slowly. Everything has changed so much, but my feelings for Seb are stronger than ever. This can’t really be the end, can it?
My mom knocks on my door after about an hour, saying my name softly, but I don't answer. I don't want to talk to her right now. I need some time alone with my thoughts.
A few hours later, there is another visitor trying to get my attention with a few hesitant knocks, and I give them the same response.
“Go away. I don’t want to talk,” I yell.
“Julia…it’s me.” I hear the quiet voice of my younger sister Maud, and frown. She’s either here because she’s worried, or because Mom has put her up to it. The only person who I’d open the door for without suspicion would be Alex.
Still annoyed, I say, “What, Maud?”
“Uh, well, dinner is ready. Everyone is already in the dining room and Mom is asking for you.”
In my mind I can see my sister standing outside the door with her head down and her hands clasped in front of her. I don’t really want to go down and eat, but I know my mom will force me to do so if I don't comply. “Maud, I’m not in the mood. If Mom needs me she can come and get me herself.”
Maud makes an uncomfortable noise. “She said she already tried earlier and that you weren’t having it, so…”
