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Maybe it was the way they all treated me as their own daughter and sister. Maybe they kept me alive and safe while I readjusted to life in Divine Territory, away from my mother. Or had it been a slow sort of belief, built up over dozens of family dinners and goodnight kisses and warm laughter.
I blinked through my own misery. “Shit.”
“Gray, I didn’t realize,” Azra pleaded. She touched my hand, but I couldn’t quite look at her yet.
“Me neither,” I admitted.
“You don’t belong to us. To me. Your life is your own, and maybe I’ve been so protective of you that I made you think…”
“It’s not your fault.” I squeezed her hand back.
Her chuckle was full of bitterness. “I think some of it is. I stopped you and scolded you every time I worried about your safety. You’ve always been apologizing to me. Acting like your actions were harming me instead of yourself. Gods, it’s so obvious to me now. How had I missed it?”
Ember added, “Yeah, that doesn’t sound cool. What? Don’t fucking glare at me, kitty cat. I’m not the one who guilted and shamed my sister into a corner.”
“Watch your tongue or I’ll catch it with a pretty little claw,” she said sweetly.
My peace-keeping intuition snapped into place, and I whirled around and declared, “Come on, guys, this is about my trauma. Stop being petty bitches.”
Ember crossed her arms. “I’m always a petty bitch.”
“I can tell,” Azra grumbled to herself. “Alright, Gray. If you could do anything right now—anything at all—and we would approve, what would you do?”
“Nothing.”
They froze.
“Really?” Ember groaned. “After all that smooshy emotional nonsense, you want to do nothing?”
I shrugged. “I’m out of ideas. No leads, no clues. I’m the worst investigator there is. So until I figure out a way forward, I’m not doing anything. Obviously.”
Azra’s glare could melt diamonds. “So, you’re just going to choke? After all that?”
I collapsed into my chair again, suddenly exhausted. And now, both my thighs hurt like hell. “I’m just stuck.”
“Why?”
I prodded at my power. “My magic is a little shocked still. It’s not responding. I don’t think I can rely on its help.”
She strode forward and planted her hands on my armrests, getting only inches away from my face. “I’m sorry, did I just hear you talk like a little indecisive bitch, Gray Wilder?”
“Good gods, you’re scary,” I muttered.
“You’ve tried tracking?” she demanded.
“Obviously.”
“You’re the one who wanted to jump into this ridiculous challenge and feel the thrill of it, correct?”
I nodded.
“Then you can’t stop looking for solutions when things don’t go your way all the time. You’re not looking for a pet turtle or a lost earring. You’re looking for a living, breathing, thinking person who is intent on not being found.”
Ember was nodding. “Yeah! And you’ve had to sift through some trash along the way. I wouldn’t call it a waste either. Sometimes you just have to take out the damn trash. It helps clear the path to where you really want to go.”
Straightening, I replied, “Cole was definitely the trash in that analogy. We can agree on that. But what if I still can’t see the path?”
Azra noticed the steel in my words and asked, “Without overthinking it, what’s your impression of the situation?”
