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I didn’t think my emotions could be any more of a mess, but I’m proven woefully wrong when Cabe comes home and catches Mason making out with me in the kitchen.
My brain ping-pongs between embarrassment, guilt, and good old-fashioned horniness. That kiss came out of nowhere. One minute I was crying, then we were hugging, and next thing I know we were locked at the lips. Then Cabe appeared and it was like a bucket of cold water crashing down on the little bubble we’d built around us.
I don’t remember what I say. I mumble some excuse and practically run back to my makeshift bed on the couch. Micah is at the other end, still sleeping heavily from what I can tell, and I quickly tuck myself in and pretend to be asleep too.Yeah, right.As if Mason or Cabe will buy that I’m able to fall asleep in two seconds in the midst of such an obviously embarrassing situation. Luckily it seems they take pity on me, and they both say good night as I track the sound of their footsteps disappearing up the stairs.
Qué diablos acaba de pasar?
That question plagues me for the rest of the night, and sleep evades me completely.
The kiss was unexpected. It was thrilling, comforting, and terrifying all at the same time. Were we not interrupted I feel like I could have stayed there kissing Mason for hours. It was like he was sucking out all my anxiety and replacing it with pure need. The need to explore, to keep breathing him in, and to feel his hard muscles under my wandering hands. I’ve never kissed anyone before, outside of a few playground antics as a child. Does kissing always feel this amazing? Will it be the same if I kiss him again?
And what does thismean?
All of Leo and Mackenzie’s recent questioning about what’s going on between me and Mason’s pack fills my mind. My denials feel ridiculous in the wake of what just happened. But does this mean they want more? Does kissing me mean Mason wants to court me? And what about Micah and Cabe? Seeing my brother’s pack fighting over the question of courting Mackenzie, I know it’s not a guarantee everyone will automatically be on the same page.
And what about me? Do Iwantto be courted? Am I ready?
By the time the sun comes out around 6:30 a.m. I decide to be a coward and sneak out. Whether it’s coming off the stress and adrenaline from yesterday or having barely slept the night before, I’m feeling wrung out. Addressing the kiss Mason and I shared last night can be future Espy’s problem.Lucky lady.
I want to believe what happened between us was chemistry. Attraction. The seeking-out of comfort. Three months of growing closer and closer to a pack that I just ... vibe with. But still, in the back of my mind is the fear it’s just my broken psyche playing dirty tricks. Though, honestly, the broken part isn’t how drawn I am to all three members of the Collins Pack; it’s how Lincoln still won’t leave my mind, and even now, as I rush through the cold back to Leo’s dorm, all I can think about is my need to see him.
I stubbornly try to push all that aside, instead focusing on getting home and taking some aspirin for my growing headache. It looks like both Leo and Tanner are asleep when I get to the dorm—not surprising for before 7 a.m. on a Monday, and after yesterday’s craziness. Tanner is in the same reserve unit as Cabe and was probably kept out late as well, so I try to move quietly around the small space. My bag from my week away with Mackenzie is still sitting on my cot where I left it, but I don’t have the energy to unpack. Instead I swallow my pills and crawl into bed, still wearing Mason’s clothes. His woodsy scent clings to me, but I try to push that and the memories of our kiss aside.
I don’t expect to fall asleep, but minutes later I’m out.
I have no idea how long I’ve been sleeping when I eventually rouse to the sound of a text. My arm feels heavy as I sightlessly grope around for my phone, and I groan at the energy it takes to pull myself into a sitting position. Normally I don’t mind the cot, but after a week of sleeping in a real bed at Mackenzie’s parents’ place I must be spoiled.
I scrub my hand across my face and blink away the lingering traces of my nap.
I have not one but several messages waiting.
I click on the ones from my group thread with Mason, Micah, and Cabe first, suddenly realizing I just took off this morning without letting them know where I was going. I shoot off a quick note to all three letting them know I came back to Leo’s and apologizing for freaking them out. It’s already 12 p.m., and I feel like a jerk for leaving them hanging for so long.
Next, I look at the note from Leo telling me he and Tanner left for class and didn’t want to wake me. I switch to the alert from the campus police to see the campus will be open as usual today. I have no idea if this means they caught the guys, and suddenly I realize I was out walking on campus alone this morning without any idea whether or not it was safe.
A cold shiver passes over me. How could I be so reckless? All the horrifying what-ifs run through my mind, and my hands shake as I scroll down to the remaining messages on my phone. I exchanged a few texts with Lincoln last night, ensuring him I was okay, but I see a new one now asking if I’m up for training this afternoon.
I take a mental survey of my body. Despite the lingering headache and muscle soreness, there’s enough leftover anxiety strumming through my veins that a workout sounds good. Maybe running around will be a good distraction from my thoughts. I feel my face heat up as my mind once again runs through my kiss with Mason. And as though the thought conjures him out of thin air, his name appears on my phone as it pings to announce an incoming text.
My thumb hovers over my messaging app, not sure if I’m ready to confront whatever he might have to say. Does he regret it? Is he mad that I left without saying anything?
I’m sorry about the interruption last night.
Huh. That seems ... promising? But promising what? I still don’t have any idea what I want to happen. Past Espy’s a bit of a bitch for pushing this off on me.
I message Lincoln to let him know I’m in, and we arrange to meet at 2 p.m. I still don’t respond to Mason even after changing into my workout clothes and making my way to the cafeteria for lunch. A second text comes through while I’m still struggling to come up with the right response.
Are you free this evening? How about we grab dinner and talk?
I bite my lip.
Talking. I can do talking, right? It’s not like it’s weird for me to grab dinner with Mason and his pack, yet the reality of our shared kiss—kisses, to be exact—is hanging over my head like an anvil. Presumably it will come up if wetalk. I wish I could get a list of questions ahead of time so I can prepare. I guess it’s not a great sign of maturity on my part that I wish hanging out with a boy I like would more closely resemble taking an exam or a job interview.
I respond, agreeing to meet up, and he tells me he, Micah, and Cabe will meet me in front of the cafeteria at 6 p.m. A pack affair then. I can’t decide whether that makes me feel more or less nervous. Cabe must know what he walked in on last night, but did they tell Micah too?
I get so lost in my ponderings that I’m almost late to meet Lincoln and end up having to run over to the gym. At least it takes care of my warm-up, and the exertion takes my mind off the feeling of anxious anticipation that’s been pestering me since the sirens went off yesterday.
He’s my friend. A strong alpha and obvious protector. It’s natural that my subconscious would seek him out for comfort after facing yesterday’s threat.
