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“I’m fine,” I finally say. “Never better.”
I feel the blanket being tugged, and before I know it my face is uncovered and I’m looking into the eyes of an amused Micah.
“Hi.” He grins at me.
“Ummm ... hi?” I offer in return, looking away from him. I catch sight of his hands on either side of my head where he’s holding the blanket. On instinct, I dart my hands forward to grab it and wrap it back around my head, this time conceding to leave my eyes uncovered.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” Micah chuckles, stroking a hand down my blanket-covered head.
“I’mnotembarrassed,” I retort. “I’m not even here. This is all a horrible dream where I humiliate myself in front of a whole pack, and really, I’m back in my bed right now, learning the valuable lesson that I should never, ever, under any circumstances, ever leave my house.”
I can see Micah and Mason trying and failing to hide their grins while Cabe shakes with laughter underneath me. I somehow managed to forget that I was currently on top of him, and at the reminder I quickly readjust the blanket so I’m fully covered again.
There’s some shuffling, and then I feel my protective shield being pulled away once again.
“Are you really okay?” Mason asks, having switched places with his brother. The kindness and sincerity on his face is like a tonic to my emotions, and I feel my flight response begin to recede.
“I’m so sorry, Espy,” Cabe jumps in, his tone serious this time. “I wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s not your fault!” I do my best to twist my head to look up at him. Not an easy feat in my little blanket cocoon. “Idon’t even know what all my triggers are. I certainly don’t expect anyone else to. I just ... Sometimes certain things get to me, and I don’t have a lot of control over how I respond.”
“Like a panic attack?”
I twist back to look at Mason and give a small nod. “I used to get them a ton when I first moved in with Em. Leo!” I correct. “I ... uhhh ... I had a hard time leaving his dorm room, being around other people. I’m getting a lot better, but there are certain things that just remind me of ... you know ...” I trail off.
“We know,” Micah agrees, reaching past his brother to squeeze my shoulder reassuringly. “I mean, we kind of know. Just the basics. But if you want to talk about it, we’re happy to listen.”
I shake my head. Idon’twant to talk about it. Outside of my sessions with Dr. Morgan or the times I’m being grilled by the authorities, I prefer to block it all out. “Not right now. Maybe at some point. But I don’t like to, you know, dwell on things ...” I trail off.
“No dwelling, coming right up!” Cabe declares, and I have to school my face to hide my disappointment when he lifts me off his lap and deposits me back onto the couch.
He’s in motion before I can ask questions, running up the stairs only to appear a minute later with a pile of blankets and pillows in hand. I have a moment of unease as I’m reminded of nesting materials, but instead of handing them over to me, he drops them in Micah and Mason’s laps.
The three of us end up watching a movie while Cabe gets to work in the kitchen, picking back up where we left off with the cake. I try to insist on helping, but after he brings me tea and a mixing spoon covered in homemade caramel, I gamely give up and give in to the welcome comfort of being looked after.
* * *
“So you endedup burrowed in a blanket, sitting on Cabe’s lap?” Mackenzie confirms, walking over to her fridge to put away my brother’s immaculate-looking birthday cake, which I brought over to be stored. “Sounds better than my date with the Sanders boys,” she laughs.
“It was so embarrassing!” I protest, burying my face in my hands as I sit at her counter.
She and Claire share a room in one of the more upscale dorms on campus. It’s larger than Leo and Tanner’s, though not quite the same size as a pack house. It’s clear both girls have more money at their disposal than my family.
“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad!” Mackenzie consoles, coming back over to join me. “Except, I mean, your hair, girl. Not gonna lie, you look like you lost a battle with a blow-dryer.”
“What?!?” I gasp, my hands shooting up to feel my head. It’s clear she isn’t exaggerating. “Oh Gods, it must have been the blanket,” I groan. “I can’t believe they didn’t say anything.”
“I’m sure they didn’t care,” she reassures me, smiling. “And Claire has a ton of hair products. Give me a second and we’ll have you all sorted.”
“Distract me,” I plead, calling after her as she pops into the shared bathroom. “What did you get up to with your pack today?”
When she reappears, her face is turned down in a bit of a moue, and she looks thoughtful. “It was okay,” she finally says, spraying something on a brush before combing it gently through my hair.
“Just okay?” I prompt when she doesn’t add anything else.
“I mean, they’re nice guys. Very respectful, smart, cute ...”
“But ...?” I prompt again when she trails off.
