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“But there’s just no ... spark, you know? I don’t feel like they’rehomefor me. I have a good time when we’re hanging out, but then I don’t miss them that much when we aren’t together. I don’t find myself daydreaming about them or wanting to go all possessive and cover them in my scent.”
“Is that a thing?” I interrupt, both shocked and intrigued.
“Totally,” she laughs, moving away from me and setting down the brush.
I reach up to confirm I no longer have a bird’s nest taking up residence on my head.
“Sometimes I forget you don’t have any background on this. Youneedto come to O-Club with me. They have all these resources on what to expect from our omega sides, and they probably have experience dealing with people who were raised in beta-only families. Besides,”—she pauses to look at me slyly—“seems like you could use a crash course on courting sooner rather than later.”
My face heats, and I immediately blurt: “They aren’t courting me!”
Mackenzie raises a single eyebrow in response, looking thoroughly unconvinced. “They aren’t?”
“No! We’re just— We’re friends. Just like with Tanner and ... and Lincoln. And you!” I rush to add her to my list. This is starting to sound just like the conversation I had with Leo a few days ago, only moderately less awkward.
“I don’t know, Espy. I know I haven’t really seen you guys all together, but from where I’m sitting it seems there’s definitely something there. Leo was telling me—”
“Noooooooooo,” I moan melodramatically. “Please tell me you have not been gossiping about mynonexistentlove life with my brother.”
“No gossip, promise. But hewasfishing for info, asking me if I thought there was something going on between you guys.”
“What did you tell him?” I ask, fiddling with the ends of my hair as I studiously avoid eye contact.
“I told him the truth. That I didn’t know,” she states, and I find myself letting out a deep breath of relief.
“So?”
“So?” I parrot.
“Isthere something going on?”
I’m about to deny it once again, but I hesitate before the words can burst out. The truth is, I honestly don’t know if there is something between me and Micah, Mason, and Cabe. Pack Collins, as I’ve learned their official, collective name is. I know what having a crush feels like. I had a boyfriend for a month or so in tenth grade, before things with my dad got out of control. And it’s hard to ignore the way my heart races any time a text from Micah comes through, or the somersaults in my stomach when I’m near any one of them. The way I crave their scents and crave their company, and the way they make me feel safe, excited, and nervous all at the same time.
But.
But. But. But.
They aren’t theonlyones making me feel this way.
“I ... I don’t think so,” I finally answer Mackenzie.
“No?” She looks slightly disappointed.
“No. I— They’re great. But when I’m around them, I feel like I do when I’m around my brother’s pack.”When I’m around Lincoln, I add to myself silently.
Her face scrunches up in surprise. “Really?”
I nod.
“Okay. Well ... that’s fine! Maybe it’s better even. Ohh! I know! This means you can come to the pack speed-dating event with me next month!” She claps her hands in excitement as she bounces in her seat.
“Ummmmm, no,” I laugh. “I’m not even an actual student here—that has to disqualify me.”
“Pssshhhh,” she scoffs. “That’s just semantics. You’ll be a student soon enough.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready to be around so many strange alphas,” I try instead, shrugging. It’s not a lie, but it isn’t the whole truth either. Even if what I’m feeling for Micah, Mason, and Cabe is just friendly and familial, which feels like a stretch, the thought of going out and flirting with other packs leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
“Of course,” Mackenzie says, looking at me with sympathy. “No pressure. There will be other events later on. And, duh, it wouldn’t be very smart of me to bring you along anyway. You’d just pull all the attention away from me and distract the alphas. Let’s wait until I find a better match than my last one, and then we can see about finding you a pack.” She winks.
