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“I see the questions bouncing around in your head, wallflower. As I told you before, we would just be with you, and you would just be with the four of us. It’s called polyamory. We want to be with you, even after everything that you told us. Nothing will change our minds. So please just say yes,” Atlas says.
I bite my lip, not knowing what to do. On one hand, they are saying they want to be with me, and they don’t care that I won’t pick one of them, but on the other hand, what would happen if this goes sideways? I really don’t want to ruin what we have. Ineedthem in my life, even if it’s just for a little bit of time.
What if nothing bad happens, though? What if they are the ones I’ve been dreaming about? I’ve spent my whole life afraid of everything.I should let myself have this, right?I never give myself happiness, but maybe I should start?
I reluctantly say, “Okay, fine. But I’m nervous. I’ve never been anyone’s girlfriend, so I have no idea what to do. You all will have to help me figure out what to do.”
“Let it come naturally. Every time you have kissed us or been kissed, it wasn’t rushed. You led our kiss, wallflower. That’s how it should be. Simple and easy. There are times when it will get passionate, but when those times come up, just let your body and conscience do the talking. You’ll know what to do when the time is right,” says Atlas.
I release the breath I’d been holding, unsure why I was even holding a breath to begin with. Maybe it was the talk about kissing or maybe it was the talk about intimacy. I’m unsure. I know the other night when Luca had his hands on my skin, it made me feel good, but getting to that point had made me feel anxious and nervous. I felt trapped and it scared me.
I don’t want to feel that way with the guys. They haven’t given me any reason to not trust them.
* * *
With lunch being over, Mateo grabs my things while Atlas grabs the Tupperware and stuffs it in his backpack. I wave goodbye to Kade and Luca. Both of my guys try to grab my hands except with my cast, only one hand is free. Luca grabs the right hand before Kade has a chance and leads me to the art room.
It seems that Mrs. Dae is absent today, so the substitute tells us that the lesson is to draw something that we are happy about. I close my eyes and try to think of something happy to draw. The first things that come to mind are the meadow this morning and all the guys, and I smile. Genuinely smile.
I grab my charcoal pencils from my bag that Mateo dropped off beside me. I think about how I want the meadow to be. What season do I want to sketch it in? Fall, summer, or spring? They all have their pros and cons, but ultimately, I love the green and flowers, so I decide to go with summer.
I start on the background where the river is, in the top right corner. Then I add the trees to that area around the riverbank and the flower patches in the field. I even capture some of the flowers blowing in the wind. Once I get all the small details in with the flowers, riverbank, and the trees, I work on adding each of the guys.
I start with the twins. I add Kade’s profile by one of the trees, sitting below it readingToxin. I know he struggles with it, but it’s going to be something that he and I work on together, and it makes me feel close to him.
At the opening of the meadow is where I add Atlas. He seems like the silent protector type, so adding him there seems like the best place. It’s perfect for guarding the meadow and me.
Luca gets added to the riverbank beside me. This is my favorite spot, and surprisingly, it’s the quietest. You can barely hear the water running, and it gives you the full view of the meadow. Perfect for Luca. He likes to observe—or at least I think he does, from what I notice.
Mateo gets to be lying in the middle of the field, to remind me of the day we were out on the track and were together in silence. Those silent moments where we were just in the same space but he didn’t expect anything from me. That was the first moment my walls started to come down.
Once I get all the guys down on the paper, I spend the rest of the class time focusing on refining their faces and the tiny details of the picture. By the time class is over, my hands are almost completely covered in charcoal dust. Blowing off the dust on the paper, I carefully inspect the piece, and I’m in love with it.
I wave over at the guys to get their attention. I show them the drawing, and their eyes light up.
“It’s amazing, mi amor. I want it! Just like I have the other drawing!” Mateo exclaims.
“What other drawing?” Atlas asks.
“Oh, it’s nothing. Just ignore Mateo,” I whisper so no one else can hear me as I pull out a bottle of water to sip on.
If I’m going to choose to talk, I’m going to need to keep my mouth and throat more hydrated than usual.
“Oh, wallflower, will you tell me what he is talking about, please?” asks Atlas.
“Fine. The other day, we had to sketch something—I don’t remember what—and I ended up sketching Mateo from the field when we were alone. He took it from me. I have no idea what he did with it, though,” I humph.
Atlas looks at Mateo, surely asking him without verbalizing.
“It’s hanging up in my room! Jesus. It’s not that big of a deal. She drew me, and I wanted it.”
I blush. He wanted somethingI did.I blushed when he took it then as well. I look up to him with pride in my work.
“You can’t have this one. Since you took the last one, Atlas gets first dibs.”
Atlas takes it and thanks me for it. Right after I hand it to him, the bell rings. I groan. I really don’t want to go to fourth period.
CHAPTER33
