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I look into his eyes to see any sign of a lie. Not seeing any, I gesture for him to sit down. Mateo shrugs off his jacket and puts it on the ground, then lies down on it and just looks up into the sky. He looks so at peace and worry-free.
I wonder how that feels. To be so carefree and happy. I want to ask him, but I’m scared. I’m enjoying this safety that we have right now.
Eventually, we hear the class bell ring, and he sighs.
“You have your English project with Luca and Atlas right? Where are you guys doing it? Library? Let me walk you, it’s the least I could do for letting me intrude on your peace and quiet.”
“Yes, we have an assignment together, but we agreed to work on it next week, not this week. But you can walk me to the library anyway. I want to check out a book or two before I head home,” I sign.
“I would definitely love your company,” Mateo says eagerly.
I nod my approval, and then we gather our stuff and start walking back into the school. Walking beside Mateo, I truly notice how tall he is. Now I’m not a short person. I come in at 5’9’’ and he has at least five inches, if not more, on me.
I realize Iwantto tell him thank you. Thank him for giving me something I haven’t had in such a long time that I forgot what it felt like. Coming to a stop, I turn to the side and grab his shirt sleeve before he can walk off without seeing me.
I open my mouth to say the words, and I try. I want to say the words so much. I know how to say them. I know I can talk normally. But the words just won’t come out. So instead, I’m left looking stupid.
“Thank you for earlier. You have no idea how much I truly needed it and how much it helped me today,” I sign.
“You’re welcome. We all deserve some peace and quiet every now and then,” Mateo signs.
I turn back toward the school, and the next thing I know, my hand is swept up in his and he is pulling me toward the door. I wince, but compose myself so he doesn’t see. He turns back around, and I blush. I’ve never had a boy hold my hand before, let alone another person near me since that fateful day. I haven’t had human contact in so long. This all feels foreign to me, so I try to pull my hand away.
As soon as Mateo realizes what I’m trying to do, he pulls us to an abrupt halt.
“Paisley, I want to hold your hand. I enjoyed our time in the field and I want to continue that feeling. I understand if you don’t feel comfortable or if you don’t want to but know thatIwant to,” Mateo says.
“It’s not that I don’t feel comfortable. It’s that no one has held my hand before and I don’t know what to do or how to act,” I sign while blushing.
“There is nothing for you to do or need to know how to act. You just feel. If you feel like you want to keep holding my hand, then hold my hand as I walk you to the library. If you don’t, then we just continue to walk beside each other. No harm, no foul. Nothing will change between us.”
I stand there contemplating what he is saying, and while I do want to hold his hand again, to feel that warmth and his touch, I also know that if I walk into the school holding his hand, everyone will call me every name under the sun. They might even tell him about my past. And I’m enjoying this feeling while I have it. So as much as it pains me to say no, I know I have to protect myself in the end.
I start walking and hope that Mateo will understand my silent plea. Fortunately, he doesn’t miss a beat and joins right beside me, and we continue toward the school in silence.
I’ve lived in silence for years now, and I’ve hated it. But this silence? This is peaceful, and I think I might start craving it. And that thought scares me.
Walking up to the library doors, I turn to look at Mateo.
“Thank you again for keeping me company and walking me here,” I sign.
“It really wasn’t a problem, Paisley. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.”
Blushing, I push the doors open and head inside.
CHAPTER14
MATEO
“It really wasn’t a problem,Paisley. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat,” I tell her as I see her turn toward the library.
Was that a hint of pink on her cheeks I saw?
I chuckle as I’m turning back to head toward my locker.
This girl is something else, I swear.
“Dude, why were you walking with that trash?” I hear from someone in the hallway, which immediately angers me.
