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“I’m sure she’s fine.” Roxie pouted and batted her thick lashes. She wore tight black leggings and a cropped mesh top over her sports bra, my typical style.
Actually, I was pretty sure thoseweremy clothes. The pants hit my ankles but came to her calves.
Did she break into my room?
“I don’t know, Roxie. My aunt was acting weird. I don’t think she’s heard from Tate since she left.”
Pink and purple spotted Roxie’s side of the room, and she’d turned her desk into a vanity area with makeup tossed around the wooden surface. I grimaced at the pair of lace thongs hanging from the edge of a giant mirror.
“This is Tate we’re talking about. Miss Perfect.” Her lips curled into a scornful sneer that Hawk was too preoccupied to notice.
Miss Perfect?
I was far from perfect. Was that what Roxie really thought of me?
“Tatum Teague has never messed up in our training missions, and she’s killed dux and high demons without a lick of extra strength.” She drew Hawk to her bed and pushed him until he sat on the edge. “She’s perfectly fine.”
Hawk frowned. “We’re supposed to be partners. I should be—”
Roxie crushed her mouth to his, cutting off his words. A line of fire ignited through my bloodstream, intensifying when Hawk didn’t shove her away. Instead, he gripped her hips, his fingers digging in.
“Forget about Tate right now.” She climbed on his lap, straddling him. “Let’s have a little fun.”
Images of the night I found them together in Wrath & Ruin bombarded my mind. Were they screwing each other behind my back the whole time?
“Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this,” Hawk said when she gave him a moment to breathe. “I mean, Tate—”
“Tate left you behind to go off on her own special mission.” She rolled her eyes. “Besides, we’re just hooking up. Friends with benefits.”
Acid oozed up my esophagus as Hawk lifted her to spread her out on the bed. A grin tugged at his lips while desire burned in his gaze as he crawled over her, brushing off his worry for me.
I turned away from the window and pressed my back into the brick wall. Their sounds of pleasure swirled into my ears like knives to my heart. Roxie had never been my friend. From the look of things, she only got close to me so she could steal Hawk.
Clearly, he was never mine.
I choked back the sickness and crawled into my window, tears blurring my room. Had anyone in my entire fucking life actually cared about me? Jayla didn’t have much of a choice since I made it my job to look after her. And I failed miserably. Maybe Kourtney had been right, and Coltrane only saw me as someone she could mold into a super soldier.
And if I didn’t live up to her expectations, she’d toss me out.
The demon shifter prick I had a bond with certainly didn’t give a shit about me. Hawk didn’t either. Not really.
Loneliness crept into my soul's dark, empty spaces, making me feel like I was that scared little kid again, bouncing around from home to home where no one thought of me as more than an inconvenience or paycheck.
What was the point to any of this anymore?
I dragged my hand over my face to wipe away the tears that never did any good. I’d been living up to these high expectations for the last two years, and they’d gotten me nowhere.
I was done.
* * *
Lights bouncedagainst the craggy cave decor, the polished floors, and the black and silver furniture. Music pounded against my skull, drowning out the hurt and betrayal clawing at my heart. My hips swayed, and I lifted my arms, moving to the vibrant beats flowing from the speakers.
Nightworlders and humans filled Wrath & Ruin even on a weeknight. No rest for the wicked, right?
I was one of them tonight, just a regular person seeking a good time. Karn’s demons wouldn’t dare set foot in Ruin’s place. A few ravens could spot me, but I didn’t give a shit anymore. I wasn’t a raven. I wasn’t anything.
The ten shots of tequila probably spurred my new, nonchalant attitude. I did everything right for the last two years, but I still ended up screwed. Maybe now I’d just do what I wanted. Maybe Death would finally come for me.
