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“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Melony asked as she walked back in.
“No, I’m okay.” I hurriedly slipped the scrubs on and picked up the clothes. “Do you have a bag?”
She handed one over, her hazel eyes studying my every move. “Ash, are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes.”
“What about Giancarlo?”
My chest lit up in flames at the mention of his name. The devastation and betrayal on his face made me frown. The way he refused to listen to me and his dismissal of my feelings for him only amplified that hurt. All of it came crashing into me, making me unsteady on my feet.
“Sit down.” Melony chewed her lip. “I won’t call Gin, but maybe I should call Benito.”
He didn’t need to be alone. I nodded. “You should tell him to go check on Giancarlo.” Gin had people who loved him besides me. People he trusted. He needed them. I nodded, and Melony grabbed her phone.
“What happened?” Melony asked.
“I messed up… You were right. Some people are meant for this life… I’m not one of them.” I thought I could do it. I’d accepted everything about Giancarlo. Even if he was to kill someone in front of me, I was certain I’d stand at his side. However, he didn’t want me there anymore.
“I’m sure it can be fixed.”
I shook my head. “No, it can’t.”
I’ll never feel happiness again.
Melony held the phone up to her ear, her lips tight as she stared at me. “Benito. I know it’s late.” She was silent for a minute before she spoke again. “You need to go check on Gin.” Our eyes met for a second before she turned around. “I don’t know what happened.”
Hearing his name made the ache in my chest intensify. I bent over, sucking in as much air as I could. I thought I was doing the right thing. I’d finally mustered up the strength to stand up to Roger, only for it to all implode on me.
I covered my ears as my mind took over. I could practically hear him laughing, telling me I should have stayed quiet. Nothing bad happens to me when I listen. I knew it wasn’t the truth, but fuck if it didn’t feel that way.
“Ash. Hey, Ash!”
I lifted my head, my vision blurring. Even now, I was using Giancarlo. The only reason I knew Melony was because of him. I slipped out of the chair and moved around her. “Sorry.” My fingers tangled in my wet hair. I yanked them free and welcomed the pain outside of the one tearing me up inside.
“Where are you going?”
I forced a smile as a tear slipped free. “Thank you for letting me dry off a little. I better go.”
“Wait.”
I turned on my heels and ran out of the clinic as if my life depended on it. The rain pelted down on my head, plastering my hair to my face. Rocks and dirt cut into the soles of my feet as I ran. Where I was going, I had no clue. My heartbreak was the only thing propelling me forward. I made turn after turn, lost and blind.
All I could think about was Giancarlo and everything I could have done differently. If only I’d been stronger, I would have told Gin about my dad. That first lie had come naturally, and after that, there was no stopping the snowball as it rolled down the mountain. The lies grew until it was impossible to control. I thought standing up to my dad would finally stop it all from ruining my life, but I’d been naive.
I still held my phone. I wasn’t sure why. I’d left everything else Gin gave me behind.
My finger hovered over Giancarlo’s name. I hit the contact and listened to endless ringing. I knew he wouldn’t pick up but thinking that and having it happen were two different things. My heart felt as if it was being ripped in half. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes as more rain fell on me.
“You’ve reached Giancarlo. I’m out getting my dick sucked by your mom. Leave a message.”
Laughter that sounded closer to a cry left me. He was so insane. How hadn’t I heard his voicemail until today?He always answers my calls no matter what.I swallowed around the ball in my throat.
“Gin, I…” I what? He knew I loved him, and he didn’t care or want it. He made it clear how he saw me now. “I...” Fuck, why did I call if I couldn’t get anything out? I squatted and wrapped my arm around my legs. “You’ll probably delete this without listening.” A car blared by, splashing dirty water from the street over my already soaking body. I sputtered and stood up. “Shit.”
I wiped my face with my hand. “I do love you, Gin… I hope one day you will see that.” Maybe I was a selfish piece of shit, but I didn’t want him to be happy with someone else. I wanted him. I wantedus. I hung up the phone, unable to come up with anything else to say.
I turned another corner. The rain wasn’t letting up any time soon. I did my best to avoid broken glass or nails on the ground. If my feet were being torn to shreds, I had no clue. Everything was so numb. A chill washed over me. I stopped in my tracks, my head whipping from side to side. Someone was nearby, watching me. I couldn’t make out much in the heavy rain.
