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Ash turned away and walked out the door. I heard the sound of him rustling around in his room down below. The front door slammed, silence echoed around me, and I cracked. My back banged against the wall. Pain shot through me, but it was dulled. I slid down, fingers going into my hair as the cigarette slipped from my lips.
That fucking asshole!
Why? What was it about Ash that made him see right through me? My need to put distance between myself and possible disaster had reared its ugly head, but all I wanted was for him to come back through the door. Or better yet, for me to go and drag him back where he belonged. My stomach turned, and I felt the panic rising in my chest, stealing my breath away as my throat tightened.
I was drowning.
Pain rained down on me,creating wounds not visible to the naked eye. How could everything go wrong when things were finally looking good for me? I was stupid to think that I could finally be happy.
Why didn’t I tell Giancarlo what was happening?I could tell him now. I could have told him two weeks ago or even a month ago. I was stronger by then. But I didn’t.
Fuck.
I glanced back at the only place that had felt like home. At first, I went to pack my clothes, but it was everything Giancarlo had bought me. It felt wrong to take it with me. Maybe I was holding out hope that Gin would drag me back home. Stupid fucking hope; it was worst than being punched in the stomach.
Gin.
A part of me wanted to run back in there and scream at him to listen to what I was saying. But I’d seen the look on his face. No amount of words would get through his thick skull. I turned away from the house and walked. I had nowhere to go and no one I could ask for help.
Most of my money had been used for tuition for the next semester. I’d finally be starting college. I’d pulled the rest of my money from my account to hand to my father. I wouldn’t take Gin’s money. He could shove it up his ass. I wasn’t with him for it. If Gin didn’t have a dime to his name, I’d still be at his side.
That’s never going to happen now.
The streets of New York blended the further I walked. As if the world felt my pain, the sky darkened, and thunder rumbled in the sky.
I looked up and saw the glowing light of Melony’s clinic. She had to be in there, but my body wouldn’t move forward. I slunk over to the alley next to her shop and slid down the brick wall.
“Ash?” Melony’s soft voice reached my ears, pulling me out of my head.
I lifted my head. Tears wouldn’t come, no matter how much it hurt. With Giancarlo, they flowed so easily. Maybe it was because I felt so safe with him. Out here, alone, they’d ceased to exist.
“Are you okay?”
No. I rubbed at my chest, the pain intensifying with every passing second. The corners of my mouth attempted to lift into a fake smile. I’d always been taught to smile to ensure no one knew I was in pain, but right now, I couldn’t even do that.
“Ash, it’s raining—”
“I didn’t know where to go. I’m sorry.”
Melony looked around, but there was no one but me. “Why don’t you come inside? I’ll call Gin.”
I shook my head; he didn’t want me. I pushed up on the wall. “No, please.”
“Okay, it’s coming down out here. Come inside. We can talk where it’s dry and warm.”
Melony dragged me inside. The lights were too bright. I covered my eyes and groaned the further we went. If there were people around, I couldn’t tell. Everything around me was blurry as I moved forward like a lifeless husk.
“Here, sit down,” Melony said, pointing to a chair.
My clothes clung to me uncomfortably like a second skin. I wanted to scratch it all off, tear my clothes off my body and then my flesh. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like I was falling down a bottomless pit of despair.
Melony draped a towel over my shoulders and gave me another one. “I have some scrubs that might be able to fit you.”
I nodded and took the offered clothes. She left me, and instantly, I was blanketed in silence. When was the last time the quiet had bothered me so badly? Weeks? Months?Fuck.
Giancarlo bought me these clothes. Everything I had was because of him. Clothes, shoes, happiness. It was all Giancarlo, and now it was being stripped away from me.They were never meant to be mine in the first place.
I stripped out of the sopping wet clothes. With each layer that came off, the ache grew in my chest until it covered me from head to toe. Breathing was nearly impossible. I held my ribcage as I tried to suck in air.
