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My heart wouldn’t stop hammering in my chest. I felt like a damn fool. All the shit I’d given to Benito for his screw-up with Brycen, and here I was making the same damn mistakes, too blind to see that I was being used. Had he actually been after Benito and landed me instead? Ash always had a fascination for theboss,and I wasn’t that. Was he after the same shit that Brycen was?
A hand touched mine. “Let me explain, please,” Ash begged. His voice came out choked, like he wanted to cry. I shook his hand off. “You’re not being fair.”
“Fuck your fair,” I muttered.
I wove around a car and shot past another one. Horns blared. I ignored them as my foot pushed the accelerator down more. One of the car’s wheels hit the curb as I took a corner. I kept going, needing to get home so I could think. So I didn’t end up on the news for bludgeoning someone to death, even if that was all I wanted to do.
“You’re freaking me out,” Ash breathed. “We’re going to crash.”
“I don’t care.”
“Yes, you do, Ash snapped. “Fuck! I didn’t want this any more than you did. My father... no, my sperm donor was never supposed to be part of this. Once it started, I couldn’t stop. He wouldn’t let me.”
“Bullshit,” I muttered.
“Bullshit?” he repeated. “What do you know? You have no idea what it’s like to be pushed around by someone all your fucking life!” he yelled. “From the time I was a kid, that man has put a fist to my gut and a boot to my back. Never the face, though, you know?” he spat. “Couldn’t have the school calling social services. He broke my nose one good time and never did it again because I was almost free of him.”
“Save your sob story.”
Ash’s fist collided with my arm. “Fuck you! It’s not a sob story, and I wasn’t trying to screw you over. Yes, I gave him money more than once. I met up with him. I snuck around behind your back, and I lied to you, but—”
"Oh, ladies and gentlemen, there’s a fucking but!” I growled. “Go ahead, justify it. You ran around behind my back while lying to my face like I’m some kinda dumbass. If he was hurting you, if he was making you doanything,why wouldn’t you tell me?”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Bull-fucking-shit!” My grip tightened on the steering wheel as I made a sharp right. “You could have told me, and I would have snapped his goddamn neck, but no, you kept sneaking around. You know what that tells me? That’s what youwantedto do. Or else you just thought I was some little bitch that couldn’t protect you.” I laughed bitterly. “Right now, I honestly don’t know which of those is worse.”
“Not everything is about you, asshole.”
I threw on the brakes. The car screeched to a halt as I turned and stared at Ash. He wouldn’t meet my gaze, his arms crossed over his chest defensively. I searched his face, wanting to see the person I had come to fucking love, but all I saw was a liar. One who, if I hadn’t followed, could have milked me for everything I had. Maybe he would even be the reason I wound up back in prison.How did I do this? Why did I open up so much? What’s wrong with me?
“Why were you giving him money?”
“He asked,” Ash muttered. “The bruises are from me saying no. Or looking at him wrong. Who knows?”
“You give him anything else?” I asked. “Information? You have access to important records at Vitale Constructions. Did you ever give him any of that? Don’t you dare lie to me.”
Ash scoffed. “Fuck you. If you think I’m such a bad person, then what do you care what I have to say?”
We sat in heavy silence as I stared at him. I climbed out the car, slamming the door behind me. I’d wanted him to be sorry, to be upset, something! Not this closed-off bs. It made my walls shoot right back up where they should have been all along.
Walking into the house, I marched through the darkened rooms, not bothering to flip on any of the lights. The sound of Ash’s hurried footsteps behind me followed, as well as the lights coming on.
“I’m sorry,” Ash called. “You pissed me off acting like I wanted this, but I swear I didn’t. He would have kept hurting me.”
“You could havetold me.”
“I told you it’s not that easy!” he yelled. “Goddamnit, look at me!”
Something crashed beside my head as I stuck a cigarette in my mouth. Pieces of broken vase lay on the ground. It was one Sarah-Lynn had picked out. I always thought it was so fucking stupid and ugly, all gold and black with brown marks on it.Looks like someone smeared shit on it.I used to tell her that all the time. She’d laugh and say maybe she should throw it at my head. Now it lay in pieces on the floor, broken, just like everything else in my life.
My eyes flickered up to Ash. I stormed over to him. Before he could escape, I slammed his back against the wall, my hand going around his throat. Ash reached up, his nails digging into my wrist as he glared at me.
“I did not do this to hurt you,” he struggled to get out. “I didn’t tell you because... I just couldn’t."
“What does that mean?” I growled.
“It’s like—” His eyes swept back and forth as he frowned. “I’ve been lying for him for so long that it came naturally. And then, once the lie was out, I couldn’t stop. Listening to that man, obeying him, being his punching bag; that’s my natural state. I wasn’t trying to screw you over. I would never hurt you.”
