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Of course she looks surprised. We’re friends who are sleeping together, so why would I take her out to dinner? This non-relationship isn’t supposed to be anything more than convenience and I’ve made it sound like I want to take her on a date.
“I mean, we could have all gone there,” I say. “You know, the five of us. As friends.”
She’s still smiling, but it’s a little sadder now. “You said I should get used to this lone wolf thing and that’s what I’m trying to do. I’ve been so afraid of doing things on my own up until now, but it’s time I get used to being by myself.”
My heart aches at the loneliness I can hear behind her words. “I keep telling you, Lainey, you’re not alone.”
“I’m single. It’s time to accept it and embrace it.”
I want to argue that she’s not, but she is, isn’t she? We’re not in a relationship. I made sure of that. I don’t have any claim on her, and she has every right to explore and enjoy being single.
She runs her hand down my shirt. “I’m taking a page out of your book and doing what I want. Taking care of myself and meeting my own needs.” Her eyes lock with mine, earnest as she studies me. “You should be proud of me, Teach. I’m following your example.”
I’m being pulled in so many directions right now, I feel like I’m being hung, drawn, and quartered. And the most damning thing of all is that I should feel happy for her. I should feel proud. I should be supporting what she’s doing because it was my idea in the first place. But I’m so damn afraid right now because I can’t shake the feeling that I’m going to lose her. This thing we have right now won’t last forever, and when it’s over... I’m not sure I’ll be able to see her and not want to be in her bed.
“So how was it?” I ask, trying not to let the fear clutching at me dictate the rest of this conversation. “Going to dinner alone?”
She moves back a little, contemplating her answer. “Kind of like a real date. I was nervous and excited. Some parts of the evening I struggled with, while others were good.”
“You were okay with eating by yourself?”
My heart feels like it’s been in a stampede when I think about her sitting somewhere and eating alone when I could have been there with her. I had work to do tonight, but I would have postponed and had dinner with her if she’d asked me to. Even if it was only the two of us, and we’re not dating, I would have done it for her.
“It was different,” she says. “In the end, it ended up being my choice to eat alone. Someone asked to join me for dinner, but I turned them down.”
She’s studying me carefully, as though looking for some kind of reaction, and my heart gallops. “Yeah?”
“You know Rob from The Golden Roo?”
“Uh-huh,” I bite out, my hands clenching into fists by my side with the sudden urge to pummel a certain bartender.
“Well, he thought there might have been something between us, but I explained we were just friends, so he asked for my number and gave me his.”
I’m so mad, my vision is blurring. I’m glad the wall is still behind me, supporting me. “You didn’t tell him you’re not looking for something right now?”
She’s not supposed to want more. Not yet. Truthfully, I didn’t know how long we were going to have together when I proposed we do this friends-with-benefits thing, but I thought it would be more than a week and a half. But someone like Lainey... how long can I hang on to a girl like her without offering her more than I’m capable of?
“No, I didn’t tell him because I didn’t think it was relevant. I will be ready at some point, and he seems like a nice guy.”
A nice guy who can give her what I can’t. She doesn’t say it, but I hear it. It’s a damn good thing I don’t want anything more than friendship with Lainey, because her rejection would sting more than her words do right now.
“So that’s what you want? A nice guy?”
“Not right now,” she says. The way she’s looking me over is hungry, and it’s definitely having an effect below my belt.
I can please her in bed, even if I can’t please her out of it long-term. I slide my arm around her waist and pull her against me, tamping down the impulse to bury my head in the crook of her neck and breathe her in. “No?”
She stares up at me. “Right now, I want you.”
“Well, you’ve got me,” I say. “What are you going to do with me?”
She puts her hand behind my head, threading her fingers through my hair and bringing my mouth down on hers so she can kiss me. I close my eyes and devour the taste of her. Popcorn. I can taste popcorn, salt, and butter on her lips, and it’s delicious. Within seconds I’ve got us turned around so it’s her back against the brick. My hands slip under her dress, caressing the smooth bare skin of thighs I ache to be between.
“So,” she starts, breathing fast as she breaks our kiss. “Where have you been so late these past few evenings?”
It takes a moment for the question to sink through the lust blocking my thought processes. “Looking into Alkerman Security.”
“The company that sold me the alarm system?”
