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Ben
Two weeks later...
“So you admit it? Relationships aren’t the shark-infested waters you thought they were?”
“No, not the shark-infested waters I thought,” I say, shaking my head at Duncan.
“You just needed the right girl to show you.”
He’s right, of course, but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of saying so. Instead, I take a folded piece of paper out of my pocket and pass it to him. “Tell me what you think of this.”
I wait for his reaction as he studies the design.
“What is it?”
“What does it look like?”
“It looks like a phoenix rising from the ashes.”
“That’s exactly what it is.”
“It’s a tattoo?”
“Yeah. Do you think Lainey will like it?”
“I think she’ll like all the pretty colours.”
“Fuck you. It’s symbolic.”
He looks up from the picture. “It’s going to cover Amber’s name, right?”
“It’s supposed to represent the fact that part of me died with Amber, hell, maybe even long before her. But with Lainey, I’ve been reborn.”
“Dude, you’ve turned into a damn poet.”
Why deny it? “Lainey brings out that side of me.”
Duncan smirks. “You’re so smitten, it’s cute. You weren’t even like this with Amber.”
With Amber, I lived in a constant state of fear and panic about not being good enough. I was constantly trying to change myself so she would be happy. I saw her lack of happiness as my fault and my flaw. But it wasn’t because of who I was, or who I wasn’t. No, it was about the fact she was in love with someone else right from the start. With Lainey, I know she gets me, and she wouldn’t have me any other way. She fell in love with the real me. I didn’t need to change a thing.
“You were right about Lainey being good for me. I’m a changed man.”
“I’m sure you once said that you hated the fact relationships change you.”
“I did, but if it’s the right relationship and the right girl, it’s for the better.”
After listening to all of Lainey’s talk about growth arcs, I’ve realised something. Changing is a necessary part of being in a relationship, as long as it’s for oneself and not for the other person. A good relationship means you have your growth arcs side by side. If one person is static and remains fixed, they’re going to be outgrown.
I don’t feel like I’m quite at the end of my growth arc yet, but I’m getting there. For the first time in my life, I feel like life isn’t kicking my arse. Before Lainey, I expected life to be crap. I expected bad things to happen to me, and I expected pain. Being negative meant staying numb to a lot of things. But it also kept all the good experiences at bay. Now I’m daring to be a little more positive, and I’m not giving in to fear.
I have a good woman, good mates, and a good job. I’m actually pretty happy.
Another first for me.
“So, are you in love with her?” Duncan asks.
“Jesus.” I look towards the bathrooms. “How long is it taking them to go to the bathroom? Shouldn’t they be back by now? Have they fallen in?”
