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Lainey
I’m aware of the factI’m sitting in Barnaby’s, laughing, joking, drinking, and acting as if I’m having a good time. Fake it until you make it, they say. Well, I’m giving it my all. I should win a Logie for my performance tonight. Sadly, I shouldn’t have to pretend. I’m surrounded by friends. I’m sitting next to Rob, who has his arm around me. He’s made it quite clear he’s into me. I faced my dad, conquered my fears. But all I can think about is the fact Ben isn’t here.
He would have finished at Eagle Eye Security yesterday, and I expected to see him here celebrating, but Ben’s home alone tonight, according to Seb. It doesn’t seem right.
I guess that’s the thing about friendship; you can’t turn it off. Not when you care about someone. Seb and Duncan miss Ben, even though they won’t admit it. The mood at the table appears light and fun on the surface, but there’s a tension in Ben’s absence that all of us are feeling. Seb and Duncan can laugh at stupid things all night, but I can see their smiles don’t reach their eyes. And Cass is overcompensating for the tension by laughing longer and louder than necessary at everything Rob says.
When Rob called me a few days back, I knew it was too early to go out with him. In all fairness, I invited him out tonight as a friend. The idea was that we could get to know each other and have a good time. But I’m worried I’ve blown any chances of dating him in the future by jumping the gun and sending him the wrong message tonight.
I stab my empty cocktail glass with my empty straw for lack of anything better to do, angry at myself for missing Ben, for wanting him here, for thinking of him, and for inviting Rob when I wasn’t ready to move on.
“You’re empty,” Rob says, noticing the glass I’m playing with. “Do you want another one?”
“Thanks, but I’ll get it,” I say, smiling to let him know I’m pleased he asked, even as I make my move to get up.
I don’t want him buying any more of my drinks. Not even as my friend.
He picks up my glass. “Why don’t we both go?”
I work hard to keep the smile on my face. “Okay.”
So many times before now, it’s been Ben I’ve walked to this bar with. What I wouldn’t give to be able to go back in time, before I slept with him, and have one more night just to drink with him and talk to him.
“Same again?” Rob asks when the bartender walks over to us.
“Yes, please.”
We stand there together, awkwardly waiting while the bartender gets us our drinks.
“Hey,” Rob starts, turning towards me as the bartender puts our drinks down in front of us. “Do you remember how I asked you about you and Ben that night that I saw you at dinner?”
“Yes.” I’m instantly alert, nervous Rob has somehow read my mind.
“Were you telling me the truth when you said there was nothing between you but friendship?”
I offer him a weak smile. “Depends on who you ask.”
“I’m asking you.”
“We had sort of a... friends-with-benefits deal happening, but that’s over now.”
It’s all over.
“Who ended it?”
“I did.” I sigh when I see he expects me to elaborate. “I was falling for him, and he didn’t feel the same way.”
“I see,” he says, giving me a sad smile.
Immediately, I feel guilty and stupid. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think there would be any harm in inviting you out as a friend tonight, but now I think it might have been a mistake. I just... I wanted to get to know you better, and you seemed like such a good guy, and you’re so good looking, and—”
“Okay, stop,” he chuckles. “Or my head won’t fit through the door when I leave.”
“You’re not going to leave now, are you?” As if I didn’t feel bad enough already.
“I think it might be best. I know you invited me here as a friend, but it just feels a little weird when I know you’re still hung up on someone else.”
“Rob—”
