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“You know he's always wanted to take this trip. He doesn't know if he's even coming home. He wants a life with freedom and no responsibility. The complete opposite of what I want.”
“Before you followed your heart, I might have agreed. But you're braver than you give yourself credit for. The fact that you took that chance says you're open to the possibility of a relationship with him. And I don't doubt Dylan's feelings for you. I think you just have to give him the chance to see he wants the same things you want.”
“What if that doesn't happen? I don't know how I'm supposed to make this work. If he comes home, he'll be bored and restless. Which leaves me where? Stay here and hope heeventually realises he wants to come home and settle down, or give up everything I've been working towards to follow him?”
“You've been in love with him since you were sixteen, baby girl,” my mother says softly. “Isn't he worth more to you than some silly house?”
Everything in me screams yes, but my mother's words poke at the rawness inside me. My mother, Austin, and my father are as different from me as Dylan is. I've always felt like the black sheep of the family – the different one – and being reminded of it like this hurts.
“I know it's just a silly house to you, but it isn't to me. I hated every move we made growing up. I hated that we never put down roots, and now you think I should give up my dream of having my own home – somewhere I can stay and not have to move from. Somewhere I can put my things and not worry about leases and my parents' itchy feet. You've made it perfectly clear over the years that you've never approved of my need for security, but just because you don't approve of it doesn't mean it isn't important to me.”
Mum's sigh is full of frustration. “How can you be so smart and so dense all at the same time?”
I feel the insult all the way to my knees. My face flushes and tears blur my vision.
My mother crosses the kitchen and puts her finger on my chest. “I'm not saying you should give up on that dream, honey. But security doesn't come from what you have. It comes from in here. It's who you are, not what you own. When are you going to get that?”
I open my mouth and then close it again.
“I know you're desperate to create the life that your father and I never gave you, but don't let our mistakes – my mistakes – stand in the way of living the life you were born to lead.”
My mother's eyes are shiny as they stay locked on mine. “Maybe I was selfish to move us around so much. Each time, I thought my reasons were valid, but I know you hated the lack of permanence in our life. Looking back, I bitterly regret some of the moves we made and how they affected you. More than anything, I hate that you're about to let go of the only man you've ever loved because you don't want to recreate the life you lived with me.”
“I feel like this moment needs a family hug,” Austin says, lightening the mood. “Chase family on three. Ready? One, two, three, Chase.”
I smile as Austin walks up and wraps his arms around me and our mother. The emotions I've been trying so hard to hold back since Dylan left are pouring out of me, but, for the first time, having my family with me makes me feel like I don't have to hold it all in.
“We love you so much, Claire,” Mum says, her voice raw and affected. “We'd never want to see you unhappy, and if you decide to stay and move on, we'll do our best to support you.”
Austin nods.
“For what it's worth, though, you've loved that boy since he came into our lives and I can't imagine you ever loving anyone else the same way. We just want you to be happy. Whatever that means for you. You need to decide what will make you happiest – looking for someone else, staying here and waiting for Dylan, or going on your own adventure and following him.”
The thought of leaving everything I know behind is terrifying. Even contemplating it makes my heart race and adrenaline rush through my system, making my mind spin and my body restless. It's like standing in that plane again, getting ready to jump. But I jumped with Dylan, and it was one of the best experiences of my life.
So many of the best experiences of my life have been with Dylan.
“You could always go for a short time,” Austin says.
“I'm not sure the bank would let me go for months,” I say. “I might have to give up working there. And then I wouldn't have a job to come back to.”
“Your experience would never see you unemployed,” Mum says.
“And you could always get a bar job at Brody's,” Austin says.
That is true. I could imagine them taking me on.
“I'd eat through my savings, though.”
My brother shrugs. “Savings can be rebuilt. Jobs can be taken. Buying a house can be postponed.”
I wonder if my family is the only one in the world who would actually encourage me to chase a man halfway around the world on an adventure.
As if my mother knows what I'm thinking, she reaches out and takes my hand. “Think about it. There's no need to make a decision now. I'm just asking you to weigh the pros and cons and think about what it is you want and what it is you need. And if there's any way to have both of them, make it happen, Claire.”
I thought about what it is I want all through dinner. Then I thought about it during the whole drive home, as well as how good dinner was tonight. Funnily, spending time with Austin and my mum was different after our conversation earlier. Something changed. Not only did I feel like I understood my mother and brother better, but I felt like they understoodmebetter, too. And for the first time in a long time, I felt loved.
Of course, I've always believed my family loves me, but tonight I dwelled on just how much I love them. As much as the three of us moved around when we were younger, Mum and Austin were always there for me. If I left to follow Dylan, I knowmy family would be here for me when I got back. As would my friends.
