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I am so out of it, thinking about the future and my family that I don't realise my phone is ringing in my bag until I get home and see all the missed calls from Dylan.
Immediately worried there is something wrong, I call Dylan back.
“Hey, you're alive. I worried when I couldn't get a hold of you.”
“I'm fine. I was just having dinner with Mum and Austin.”
“Okay. Cool.”
After the way we left things last night, I can understand why he might be worried. We crossed the line of friendship last night. Did he want to try to set things straight between us or continue the flirting we started last night?
Work out what you want and need and make it happen.
I'm terrified that what I want and need is Dylan – that he's all I've ever really wanted since I was sixteen. Maybe I don't need him to survive. I could stay in Melbourne and move on. Correction: try to move on. Even if I don't fall in love with someone else, I could keep working towards the goal of buying my own house. But I'd be so much happier working towards that goal with Dylan.
And how do I know it's an impossible goal unless I go for it? While I'm more than a little nervous about leaving everything I know behind, I feel more excited the more I think about it. What I don't know is if Dylan still wants me to travel with him.
If I do this, I'll be taking the biggest risk of my life. It could end badly. Dylan may never want to come home. It may not work out between us. I might waste all the money I've saved. The ‘what if’s are endless. But I want to try. Propositioning Dylan was a risk, but one I would never take back and never forget. Just like jumping out of that aeroplane.
Dylan was there to keep me safe last time. Do I trust him with this?
Yes.
“How are Diana and Austin?”
“I was talking to them about the idea of quitting my job and meeting up with you somewhere.”
“Are you serious?”
Well, talk about take the plunge. I probably could have eased into it a little more. Gosh knows, I could have waited to see whether he reverted to friendship or flirting, but I've been playing it straight with Dylan since I propositioned him and I'm not going to start playing coy now.
“Yes. I'm thinking about it. If you still want me to, that is?”
“Fuck yes!”
I didn't realise I'd been holding my breath until he gave me his response and the air rushed back into my oxygen-starved lungs.
“You really want me to?”
“What do I need to do to convince you? I can't think of anything I want more than that. Well, except having you here with me right now. Hell, I've been thinking all day about cutting my trip short – maybe finishing up here in New Zealand and then coming home for a while before going away again for a few months.”
“Really?”
“Of course. I know we said goodbye when I left, but it's not over for me, Claire. You're all I think about. You're all I want. I'm willing to do anything to make this work with you. I don't want Dylan 2.0 swooping in and sweeping you off your feet before I get back to you.”
“Trust me, that's not going to happen. You're the only man I want.”
The only man I've wanted since I was sixteen.
“Ditto.”
“I'm the only man you want, too?”
“Haha. You're the only woman I want. You know I'm crazy about you, right?”
No. No, I didn't know that, but I'm so glad to hear it. I'm terrified of what I'm about to do – of all the things that could go wrong. But knowing I'm not alone – knowing that Dylan has my back as much as he can – makes my resolve to jump that much stronger.
“Lana was here this afternoon and I was telling her how much I miss you – how I'm crazy about you. How I'm in love with you.”
