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“Because he's leaving, Claire, and I know how attached you were to him before you two started...got together.”
“I...I know.”
I want to deny having any attachment to Dylan before I started hitting the sheets with him, but I've deluded myself and tried to fool everyone around me since I was sixteen and Dylan turned me down for a date. The only person I ever succeeded in convincing was myself. Unfortunately, all illusions that Dylan is nothing more than a pain in my butt are now gone.
And now I am never going to be able to convince myself he means nothing to me.
“You should get out of here. It can't be easy watching him say goodbye to everyone, preparing to leave.”
“But I haven't said goodbye to him yet.”
Austin nods. “Then maybe it's time you do that.”
Say goodbye and let go is what Austin really means. Move on.
My brother gives me one last look full of sympathy before walking away, unaware I'll never be able to move on. My breath stutters at the thought no one can possibly compete with Dylan once he's gone. No one can possibly come close to making me feel the things I've felt with him. How can they when he's the only man I've ever wanted? The only man I've ever really loved?
“Oh God,” I whisper, looking over at the man I've been crazy about since I was sixteen.
I can't work out if I'm going to hyperventilate or have a heart attack first. While Dylan remains standing there, laughing with Mike and Sam, my whole world explodes and crumbles around me.
“What's wrong?” Kara asks, moving closer. “You're awfully pale all of a sudden.”
“I'm in love with him.”
Kara’s pitying look is excruciating. Of course, Kara tried to tell me this before, but I didn't listen.
Even when I thought I'd stopped deluding myself, I'd still wrapped myself in a layer of self-deception.
“Please don't say, ‘I told you so’.”
“I'm not going to say it. Instead, I'm going to get you a drink.”
“I don't need one. I think I need to go home.”
I didn't want to leave before the night was over, but Dylan will forgive me. And if he doesn't...well, it won't change anything, will it?
“I'll get you a shot of something fierce. You'll drink it, say goodbye, and then I'll drive you home.”
Not having any energy left to argue, I merely nod. “Thanks.”
Tori and Danni didn't come tonight, and Kara didn't bring her new boyfriend with her, which means that as soon as I say goodbye to Dylan I can just leave.
And then I suppose I'll count down the number of hours he has left in the country.
I hunch over from the pain that thought causes me. The sooner I'm out of here, the better.
“I'm back.”
I look up to see Kara standing there over me, a shot glass in hand. My friend hands me the glass. “Drink.”
“What is it?”
“Something strong enough to get you through the next few minutes. And when we get home, I'll pour you something else.”
My hand shakes slightly as I lift the glass to my lips and then throw back the shot. Whiskey. I cough after swallowing.
“Now, turn those nerves into steel and tell him goodbye.”
