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“Right.”
It's easier said than done, but it needs to be done.
Visualising the whiskey turning my nerves to steel, I walk up to the only man I've ever loved and tap him on the shoulder.
He spins around, a tight smile on his face as his gaze settles on me. “Hey.”
“Hey. I'm going to go. Kara's going to take me home.”
Surprise flickers across his features, followed by a frown. “You're leaving?”
“I know technically this shindig will go until you leave for the airport, but I...I'm tired.”
Considering how much sex we had last night compared to sleep, he probably is, too. But he'll fly to New Zealand tonight, and then he'll have a few days to settle in and relax before he actually starts working.
His frown deepens and he addresses the guys. “Can you excuse me a sec?” He puts his arm around me and we walk a few feet away, nodding at everyone who speaks to him, but not engaging them in conversation.
When we come to a stop, he faces me. “I thought you might want to come to the airport with me.”
“I can't.”
Hurt flashes in his gaze. “Why not?”
Because I love him. Because I don't want to watch him walk away and go for however long he decides to stay gone for.
Because it's going to break me to think about what I'm giving up.
The only thing that stops me from begging him to stay is knowing that if he stays, he won't be happy with me. He wants the freedom to travel and explore. Giving me the white picket fence and family I've always dreamed of would equate to miserable stagnation for Dylan.
How unfair is that? He's the one person I've fallen in love with after years and years of dating, and the one person too different to make a relationship work with.
“I can't watch you go, Dylan. I can't.”
He must hear the anguish in my voice because his arms wrap around me tightly and he whispers in my ear. “I wish you were coming, but I understand.” He pulls away and I look up at him. “You being there might make it impossible to get on the plane.”
“See, then it's better for both of us if I'm not there.”
He nods. “Let me just get something and then I'll walk you out.”
“Thanks.”
I signal to Kara that I'm ready to go, and once Dylan returns from wherever he disappeared to, the three of us walk out of the bar together in silence.
“Well, I'll leave you two kids to say your goodbyes.” Kara steps forward and hugs Dylan, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Have a safe trip and enjoy every moment.”
“Thanks, Kara.”
“Get on Facebook so I can live vicariously through you, okay?” Kara says, walking backwards towards my car. “Post lots of photos.”
“Will do.”
With Kara gone, the tension thickens. My heart is racing and I feel cold and shaky. The jacket I brought is still in Kara's car and now I wish I was wearing it, so I could pull it around me. Instead, I wrap my arms around myself. Now that the time is finally here to say goodbye, I want to go back inside the warm bar and put it off for as long as I can.
Which won't be long. I look at my watch. Four and a half hours until he flies out of the country.
“I got you something,” Dylan says, pulling an envelope out of his pocket.
“It should be me getting you something – a going away present.”
