AllFreeNovel
Share Us
18
Alexis
The following few weeks passed in a blur. Some days they crawled, while others felt like I’d blink and it was over. But without fail, everyday life carried on as normal, as if my life hadn’t gone up in an inferno. The day the divorce papers were served, I could hardly get out of bed. Mom took Lizzy to school and took her home with her after. It was the lowest of low I had ever been, and I didn’t want my child to see me that weak. I anxiously awaited a call from Lucas. Something, anything really, but nothing. Not a peep. Not a text or a phone call. Not even a word or an acknowledgment when we did what I had dubbed the “Lizzy swap.” Hell, I even would have been happy with a smoke signal or a carrier pigeon. That only escalated my anxiety. Did it mean that he had accepted the divorce? That he was okay with it, and he wasn’t going to fight it? Did I want him to be okay with it? I was like a yo-yo going up and down. One moment I wanted to get it over and done with as quickly and painlessly as possible, and the next, I wanted him on his knees. I wanted to see him crawl and beg for my forgiveness. Then I’d cry at the thought of my big strong, Lucas having to humiliate himself like that. Then I’d cry harder and remind myself that he was a lying cheat and he wasn’t mine anymore. As I said, I was a yo-yo, constantly spinning from one end of the spectrum to the next. It was driving me insane, the not knowing, yet I was strangely reluctant to do anything about it.
“I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you look like shit.”
“Gosh. You say the nicest things,” I say dryly, glaring at Lillian for good measure.
“You should come to do a yoga class with me.”
“I don’t do yoga. I run. You know that.”
“Yoga isn’t just good for the body, it’s good for the soul, and your soul looks like it could do with some tender loving care.”
“Yoga smoga.”
I can’t blame her for saying what she said. Of course I look like shit. I’ve been struggling to sleep, only dozing off in the early hours of the morning. After thirteen years of sharing a bed with someone, sleeping by myself feels cold and empty. I’m seriously considering throwing it out and getting a new one, hoping that would help.
Lizzy has also started this habit of getting into bed with me at night. She knows something is missing in our home and is seeking comfort from me. I don’t discourage it, clinging to her just as tightly. I’m using her as a security blanket just as much as she’s using me. A lot of people would say it’s unhealthy, but if this is what it takes for us to get used to our new normal, then this is what we’d do.
The worst are the days that Lucas takes her. Just like my bed, the house feels cold and empty. It doesn’t take long before I’m in my car visiting Mom or calling Lillian to come over. Case in point, today. It is a beautiful sunny day, and we’re lying by the pool sipping on martinis.
“You know that friend I was meeting up with for drinks?” I had told Lillian about the fiasco with Lucas but hadn’t gone into details about Christian. To apologize for the horrendous way our evening had ended, I had promised to invite him over for a home-cooked meal. But I hadn’t done it just to apologize. Christian was a really great guy, and I was firmly convinced that he and Lillian would hit it off.
“The photographer?”
“Yes, Christian. He’s out of town for a while. He mentioned something about doing a piece about Rhino horn smuggling in South Africa. I invited him over for dinner when he gets back.”
She reaches out, poking me in the ribs while wiggling her eyebrows. “Ooh la, la. I’m impressed.”
“Not like that,” I grumble, slapping her annoying finger away. “He’s a nice guy. His job takes him out of the country a lot, and I think he’s quite lonely.”
“Aah, so it’s a pity fuck.” She says sagely, taking a sip of her martini.
“Seriously, Lill. A pity fuck? Is that even a thing?”
“Of course, it’s a thing. I met this really great guy once—not great for me, mind you, but just a general, all-round nice guy. He was down on his luck, and his girlfriend left him for someone else. That messed with his confidence a bit, but the morning after he was like a new man. Job done.” She grins, popping an olive in her mouth.
“You’re unreal.”
“No. I just believe in giving back to the community.”
I don’t even try to stifle my laugh.
“Well, I can’t say I’m all that keen to follow your special brand of community service. He’s a nice guy, but we’ll only ever be friends. I’d like you to come.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you.”
“Why?”
I shrug. “I think it will be less awkward or intimate if it’s not just the two of us.”
“You said he’s hot. Just how hot are we talking about?”
“Very. But apart from that, he’s genuinely a nice guy.”
