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12
Alexis
My heart’s frantically beating in my chest when I hear his car in the drive. Is he going to knock? Is he going to use his key? This will be the first time seeing each other after our confrontation the other night, and it’s so damn awkward.
“Lizzy! Daddy’s here.” I call up the stairs, and I hear her squeal. She’s been missing him something fierce, and I know we need to sit her down and talk to her. I’m not sure yet what I’m going to say. Maybe Mom will have some good advice. They do say that wisdom comes with age.
The door opens, and I hear his footsteps coming toward the kitchen. How dare he use his keys? He doesn’t live here anymore. My anger surges up, and I’m glad. Anger is good. It protects you like a metal suite of armor protects against sharp swords that want to eviscerate you.
He stops in the doorway and stares at me in silence. Why isn’t he saying anything? The silence drags on, but I’ll be damned if I’m the first one to break it.
“Daddy! You’re here.” My little whirlwind throws herself at Lucas, and I have to swallow hard to dislodge the lump in my throat when he scoops her up and buries his face in her hair. No matter how angry I am, I have to remember that Lizzy is still his daughter, and she still loves him. He cheated on me, not her.
“Are you home now?” She asks, running her fingers over his nose. To explain his absence, I told her he had some very important work he had to finish before he could come home. I know that excuse will only last so long.
“Not yet, flutterby.” Her face falls and her bottom lip wobbles. The agony on his face when he clutches her tightly against him breaks my heart. I try to strengthen myself against this weakness by reminding myself he bought this on himself, but all it does is make me feel like a bitch. There’s no winner or loser in this. We’re all losing something.
“I want you to come home.”
“I know, I know. But you know what?” he says, tickling her side, making her squirm.
“What?”
“I missed you so much I thought you and I could go for some ice cream.”
Her eyes grow huge and guilty when she shoots me a look. One would think she’d already eaten it.
“Daddy will get you ice cream after dinner, okay? Why don’t you go get your shoes?”
He puts her down, watching her leave, before slowly turning to me.
“Where are you staying?” We need to sort out some kind of visitation. Lizzy can’t go too long without seeing him. It’s not fair to her. I can’t believe this is my life now, having to ask these types of questions. I will not let Lizzy go if he says he’s staying with her. He can visit her here, or better, at Mom’s house.
“Eric’s pool house.” His voice is subdued, and I take a moment to look at him closely. He looks like shit, far from the normal, put-together Lucas I know. The vibrant blue of his eyes is dull, his hair is messy, and his face is drawn.
I nod, keeping my face smooth. I don’t want him to know that it’s been bugging the crap out of me, not knowing if he’s with her or not.
“We’ll need to sit Lizzy down at some point and talk to her about what’s going on.” I hold out my hand when he opens his mouth to interrupt. “Let me finish, please. Until then, no, until our divorce has gone through, you will not introduce her to Monica. I will not have you confusing her or making this harder on her than it needs to be.”
His fists clench, and he takes a step closer to me. “I told you I broke it off. She means nothing to me. It’s you and Lizzy I care about.”
“Lizzy, it’s Lizzy you care about.” I remind him.
“No, Alexis.” He reaches out, and I take a quick step back. I might look strong, but I’m a mess. I can’t allow him to touch me. The photo of them on the couch loops through my brain like a movie on repeat, and it makes me sick.
His arm drops to his side, and he takes a shuddering breath. “I know you’re hurt and angry, and I know what I did was beyond fucked up, but you’re all I want. All I ever wanted. I would give anything to take it back, but I know I can’t.”
“Enough with all these lies, Lucas.” I take a deep breath. He needs to stop talking. I can’t take this up-and-down rollercoaster of emotions I’m on. “Do you want to spend some time with Lizzy on the weekend? Have her over for a night?”
“Of course I want to spend time with her. But I want to spend time with her here, in our home. I don’t want to have to visit my own daughter and wife.”
His voice is accusing, and my spine goes ramrod straight. “Don’t put this on me,” I hiss, trying to keep my voice down for Lizzy’s sake. “This is on you. You broke us.”
“No. I made bad choices, but I know we can get past this. We might be broken now, but if something is broken, it can be fixed. I’m going to fix us. All I need is for you to give us a chance.”
God, it’s like he doesn’t know me at all. I can forgive anything but infidelity. But it’s not that he doesn’t know me. It’s the desperation I can see shining in his eyes.
I shake my head in frustration. “What happened to you? I feel like I don’t know you at all. Maybe I never did.”
