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“Don’t say that. You know me, the real me.”
My head shakes my denial before he finishes his sentence. “I don’t. I really don’t. What I…” My mouth snaps shut when Lizzy comes charging back into the kitchen, her shoes clutched in her hand.
“I’m ready, Daddy.”
His eyes are intense, and I know there are many more words burning on his lips, but he doesn’t dare say anything in front of Lizzy.
“Come, give me a kiss.”
A quick peck on the lips and Lizzy’s grabbing Lucas’s hand, dragging him with her. The look he shoots me promises me that this discussion isn’t over.
***
An hour later, I’m in Mom’s kitchen, sipping a glass of wine. When I walked in, she put the kettle on, but Lillian quickly slid a glass of wine in front of me. It’s time to let the cat out of the bag, and Lillian’s here for moral support. Mom will be devastated because she loves Lucas like the son she never had, but I can’t keep it from her any longer. She knows me too well, and I’ve seen her concern growing with every glance she’s given me over the last few days.
“Okay, tell me.” She says as she sits down, her eyes a heavy weight on me. I take a slow sip of my wine, trying to beat back the tears that are on the verge of escaping without my permission. Traitorous bastards. Lillian gets up, pours another glass of wine, and puts it in front of Mom.
“Is it that bad?” Apprehension replaces her look of concern, and she clenches her hands together where they’re resting on the table. I can’t prolong it any longer—make her worry more than she has to.
“Lucas cheated on me.” The words taste bad as they leave my mouth, and by the look on Mom’s face, they sound just as bad. The silence stretches, only interrupted by the ticking of the ancient rooster clock hanging above the stove. It was a gift from Lillian and me when we were ten and twelve, and I still cringe every time I see it. It’s so damn corny, but Mom loves it.
“I don’t understand.” Her voice is confused, as if my words are incomprehensible to her. Join the club, Mom.
“He’s been seeing someone else.”
“Our Lucas?”
I nod, twirling the stem of the wineglass between my palms.
“For how long?”
“Six months,” I whisper the words because I don’t have the strength to say them out loud.
Her breath hitches, and she’s quiet for a beat. “And you’re sure about this? Hundred percent sure?”
“Yes. His mistress came to our home and showed me a photo of them together. Text messages between them as well. When I confronted him, he didn’t deny it.”
“When did you find out?” I chance a quick glance at her, and her eyes are wet. I can only imagine what kind of memories and feelings this conversation is dragging up for her.
“Last week.” It’s just too much. I close my eyes, and the tears start rolling down my cheeks.
“Oh, my sweet, sweet girl.” Two sets of warm arms wrap around me, and I sag into the comfort they provide. I take this moment to cry, allowing myself to be weak because, for now, I don’t have to pretend to be strong. For just this moment, I can let go and lean on two of the strongest women I know. Allow their strength to seep into me so that I can be strong for Lizzy.
***
Two hours later, I’m on the second plate of my favorite comfort food—Mac and Cheese. I’ve been checking my phone obsessively for any messages from Lucas.
“I’m going to take your phone if you don’t stop.”
I roll my eyes at Lillian. I can’t stop. Lucas has always been a great father, and I’ve never worried before when they’ve been out without me. But now, no matter how much my brain keeps telling me that just because he’s been a shit husband, it doesn’t make him a shit father, I can’t stop worrying. It’s my heart that can’t stop questioning everything.
“I can’t help it. I feel so fu—” I shoot Mom a look out the corner of my eye. “Freaking helpless. What if he meets up with her?” All these scenarios are spinning through my head, and it’s driving me crazy.
“He wouldn’t do that.”
I turn to Mom. “How do you know? I told him to keep her away from Lizzy until after the divorce, but he’s been lying to me for six months.” That you know of, my snarky voice whispers in my mind, making me shudder. What if she wasn’t the first? What if there’s been more? “There’s no way I can trust anything he does.”
“You can trust his love for Lizzy. He’ll do what’s best for her.” Her voice is soft but filled with conviction.
After my tears had dried up and I had pulled back, her eyes were as red as mine and filled with devastation. I had gone in for another hug, trying to return some of the comfort that she so freely gave me.
“He wasn’t thinking about what was best for her when he went about destroying our family. He wasn’t thinking about Lizzy growing up in a broken home.”
“So you’ve made up your mind? Divorce is the only way?”
“Mom!” Lillian’s utterance reflects the disbelief I’m feeling. “How can that even be a question? He cheated on her.”
“I know,” she says with a heavy sigh, putting a placating hand on Lillian’s leg before turning to me. “I just want you to be absolutely sure that this is what you want. I’ll support you with whatever you want to do.”
“I don’t want any of this,” I mutter, stabbing at the suddenly unappealing food.
