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Blinking back more tears, I greet him with a small nod, staying on the bottom step of the stairs. I’ve got to shake off the dream. It was years ago. He’s not mine to lose anymore.
“Are you here to apologize?” I cross my arms.
“I told you I’m not going to lose you again, Sophia.”
I bite my lip. Then a shadow of movement catches my attention, and I see eyes peering through the crack in the dining room door.
“I can see you,” I say, glaring at Rachel and Victoria.
They slink into the room, both giving Alexander shy smiles. “We’re just curious about your mystery man, Soph.”
I sigh. “This is... Alexander.”
Victoria gasps. “THE Alexander? Like, your ex?! Oh my god, are you guys getting back together?”
I groan.
“This is perfect,” Rachel exclaims, clasping her hands together. “She never got over you, dude. Sometimes I hear her screaming your name in the middle of the night.”
“RACHEL!” I cover my reddening face, wishing I could just disappear. “I regret ever telling either of you anything about my personal life.”
The girls squeal, telling Alexander that he’s the ex I talk about the most. That I’ve always said he was the best kisser.
“Enough,” I shout.
A satisfied smirk rests on Alexander’s face. But he turns to the girls. “We could use some privacy.” Then he turns back to me. “How about a walk.”
Spending time alone with Alexander is the last thing I want to do, but some movement will probably help the heavy weight in my chest to dissipate. So I grab my flip-flops and head outside with him.
We walk in silence, heading to a small park a few blocks away. I don’t know what to say, and either Alexander is in the same boat, or he’s waiting for me to initiate.
I try to focus on the way the night air feels on my skin, or how this neighborhood doesn’t look quite as rundown in the dark. How the silent streets are oddly comforting.
Finally, we reach the park, and Alexander stops us under a streetlight.
His gaze glides over my body as he raises an eyebrow. “That hoodie isn’t helping your case.”
I look down, barely remembering what I slipped on before collapsing into bed. It’s a soft gray fabric, with our high school’s logo on the back. On the front, just above my heart, is Alexander’s embroidered name.
Fuck.
He’d let me borrow this hoodie a few nights before he broke my heart and left me sobbing behind our school. It’s still too big on me, but the practical side of me that knows I always get cold wouldn’t let me get rid of it.
Although that isn’t the only reason I’ve kept it.
“It’s not what you think.”
“Screaming my name in the middle of the night? C’mon.”
A chill runs down my spine, and as if on cue, tears spring to my eyes. “Also not what you think.” My voice is scratchy, and I hate the lump that appeared so easily in my throat.
Alexander’s face falls. “Oh, fuck. Soph.”
I’ve screamed Alexander’s name plenty of times out of tortured pleasure. But there was one time when it was because of something else—a fear that gripped my heart so tightly I thought it would explode.
We were seventeen, leaving school to go hang out with some of our friends. But we never made it. A vehicle had cut us off on the road, causing us to crash. And then a group of men came from out of nowhere, wrenching the car door open and pulling Alexander out at gunpoint. Leaving me behind.
It took his father a week to negotiate with his kidnappers on the price of the ransom. He saw nothing wrong with gambling with his son’s life to try to save a few million.
