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“You couldn’t be more fucking wrong, Hannah…” His voice lowers, his head touching mine as his hands come up and cup the sides of my face. “I didn’t hate you. I fucking loved you.”
Cash
Fuck. I didn’t mean to say that and from the way Hannah’s mouth is hanging open, her perfect blue eyes filled with an emotion I can’t place. She wasn’t expecting it either. Did I want her to know? Yes. Without a doubt telling her was a good thing, but I never expected to blurt it out in the middle of an argument, especially when she just showed up, wordlessly asking me for help and all I’ve done is haul us both back to the past, making us both relive it all.
Before either of us can say a word, I turn away from her, heading toward the front door and open it, staring at her beat-up car that’s parked in my driveway. Every fiber of my being is telling me to get in my truck, drive however many hours it takes to find that son of a bitch that laid a hand on her and make sure he never sees the light of day again. My fists clench at my sides as my lungs fill with the cool night air, my mind struggling to keep it together.
“Where are you going?” she asks, her feet pattering behind me as she follows me down the front steps.
Before I reach the final step, I stop and turn, holding out my hand as her eyes wrinkle in confusion.
“Keys,” I mutter as she recoils as if I’ve slapped her, causing my stomach to sink to the floor. I want to kill that motherfucker for putting that fear in her. That fight-or-flight mode is something she should never have had to use and if I didn’t give up on us all those years ago, she might not have been through the hell she’s been through.
“If you wanted me to leave, you could have just said so,” she whispers, her head dipping as she slowly walks down the step toward me. Shit. This is not how I wanted this to go.
“I’m not asking you to leave, Hannah. I just wanted to get your bags out of your car.”
Her body stills on the step above me, her eyes level with mine as they flick between me and her car. The uncertainty is clear in the way her bottom lip gets trapped between her teeth and the way her fingers play with the edge of her shirt.
“Seriously?” she questions, her brow furrowing as her shaking fingers sink into her jeans pocket to grab her keys, gently placing them in the palm of my hand.
“Yes, seriously. Did you really think I would make you go somewhere else? Especially when that piece of shit you call your boyfriend is out there somewhere pissed that you’re gone?”
“Ex,” she whispers, her eyes not meeting mine.
“What?” I ask, taking all three bags in one hand and tossing the keys back at her as she locks the doors.
“He’s my ex-boyfriend.”
All I can do is nod as a mixture of feelings course through my body. On the one hand, I’m elated that she’s done with that asshole, but on the other hand, guilt racks my body as I take a moment to really see her. Her once long blonde hair is now short, framing her face and making her look younger than she is. Her crystal-blue eyes are haunted by the demons of her past and my chest becomes heavy as her gaze meets mine.
“Did you honestly think I would stay with someone who did this to me?” she accuses, pointing at the bruise under her eye and the bruises around her neck. “Did you really think that I haven’t tried to leave before? That I didn’t spend the last year trying to figure out a way to get out of that house without him finding me and doing something much worse than choking me over spilled milk?”
I mutter a curse, dropping the bags at my feet as her fingers wipe away a stray tear.
I’m a fucking asshole.
The bags are forgotten as I take a step toward her, but she backs away, putting as much space between us as she can, leaving my chest hollow and my stomach turning. I open my mouth, ready to say something, anything to make that sad look on her face disappear, but before I can, she fills the silence.
“What happened to us, Cash? We used to be thick as thieves. You used to call me every fucking day. We hung out every fucking weekend, for god’s sake. But those last few months before I left? You dropped off the face of the earth.”
I open my mouth to tell her just how much distancing myself from her killed me. I want to tell her how I stayed awake every night after she left that night and prayed I didn’t just make the biggest mistake of my life, and yet here we stand, my worst nightmare a reality.
“If what you said inside is true, that you loved me all those years ago, then why didn’t you tell me?”
The tears are back, falling freely down her cheeks as my fingers clench into fists to stop myself from reaching out and touching her.
“Why did you let me leave when I asked you to give me a reason to stay? You loving me is a pretty big fucking reason for me to stay, Cash.” The anger inside her rises to the surface as she shakes her head, taking a step away from me and leaning against the porch railing.
“You have no idea how hard it was for me to let you walk out that door five years ago. I have regretted it every second of every day since I let it happen, but I can’t change it. I can’t go back in time and tell you everything I was feeling at the time because back then, I thought I was doing what was best for you.”
“Bullshit,” she mutters, my eyes widening as my arms cross over my chest, stopping me from doing the one thing I want to do; hold her.
“Excuse me?”
“I call bullshit. Cash, the idea of you being the martyr in this situation is laughable, so forgive me if I don’t buy it.”
I scoff, throwing away every semblance of control I’ve held on to since she walked back through my door. Three steps. That’s all it takes for us to be chest to chest as my hands cup either side of her face, causing her breath to catch.
