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“What happened?” I don’t recognize my own voice as white noise fills the space around me.
“I don’t know! One second, she’s on the phone with me and the next thing the line is dead and I can’t get a hold of her!” Addison’s voice rises, the panic clear and I take a deep breath.
“Hey, calm down, bug, stress isn’t good for the baby, okay?” I remind her, trying to stay calm when all I want to do is berate her for more information. But I know if I don’t calm her down, she’ll just get worse. “Bug? I just want to know what happened. Did she call you?”
After a few minutes, Addison’s breathing steadies and she takes a heaving sigh.
“She called me right after she left your place.” The panic still lingers in every word she utters as my heart begins to beat so fast, I wonder if I’ll even survive the night. “She wanted to come over and vent and she was on her way here when…” Her tears are audible as my hands begin to shake.
“What happened, Addison?” I don’t mean for my tone to be as demanding as it comes off, but the stress that’s pouring off me is causing me to get light headed. I’m on edge and I need answers.
“I was talking to her like normal, and then all of a sudden I heard her scream, and then there was this really loud crunching sound before everything went quiet.” Her cries are heaving and I know if I wasn’t already sitting, I would have fallen to my knees.
Hannah is hurt, she’s hurt and alone all because of me.
“Where is she?” I ask, hysteria settling into my skin as I get up from the couch, running toward the front door and down to my truck. I have no idea where I’m going but I need to move or else I’ll fall and never get up again.
“I don’t know!” she cries, her heaving breaths the only thing I can hear. “I called 9-1-1 but they couldn’t tell me anything, all they wanted was her name and her phone number.” Her voice is small as if she is waiting for me to start yelling at her. “I’m so sorry, Cash, maybe if she wasn’t talking to me on the phone…”
I grunt, hating that she’s putting all of this on her own shoulders.
“No, this isn’t on you, okay? Do not go there. I will call around and see where she is. Stay near your phone. I’ll let you know when I find something, okay?”
She agrees and I hang up, dialing the number of Mercy General and hoping to God she’s there because I don’t want to waste any more time.
As I get in my truck, I take a breath, watching as my shaking hands grip the wheel for dear life and I wonder if the world is cruel enough to take Hannah away from me when we just started. I want more mornings with her, more late-night action movie marathons and to give her an endless supply of caramel corn for the rest of her life. I want to marry her, see her pregnant with our children, and grow old watching our family expand. I want all of it and yet here I am sitting in my beat-up truck and wondering if all of that will only exist in my head.
Just as I pull out of my garage, my phone rings, Max’s name appearing on the screen. I think about ignoring it but decide it’s better to just let him know what’s happening.
“Hey Max, I don’t have time to talk—” I start before he interrupts me.
“I know, I found her.”
All the air leaves my lungs as the words sink in.
“She’s at Holan Memorial.”
I open my mouth to say something, anything, and yet I can’t. Relief like I’ve never known washes over me as tears fill my eyes.
“Is she okay?” I choke, my chest rising and falling erratically as I try and calm myself down. “How did you…” I start but Max makes a noise and I stop.
“Addi called me in a panic. I rushed over and I’ve been calling hospitals. It took me five tries, but I found her. They wouldn’t tell me anything, only that they brought in a woman matching her description just a few minutes ago.”
“Okay, I’m headed there now. Thanks, man,” I say before hanging up and breaking every single speeding law in order to get to my girl.
“I’m here to see Hannah Baker,” I say all at once as the nurse’s eyes widen, noticing the panic dripping off every inch of me.
“Excuse me?” she questions, her eyebrow rising in defiance as I push down the urge to slam my hand down on the desk in frustration.
“Hannah Baker, she was in an accident and was just brought in here. I just want to know if she is okay.” My voice cracks as the reality of the situation hits me like a ton of bricks.
What if she’s not okay? What happens if I never see her again? The woman must sense my panic because she thankfully starts typing something into her computer.
“She’s still in surgery. If you wait there.” She points to the empty chairs lining the walls with a curt smile. “If you wait there, I’ll have the doctor come and talk to you once she’s in recovery.”
I open my mouth to say thank you but nothing comes out. The nurse smiles sympathetically. “I know you’re anxious, and I know it’s hard, but I need you to wait there until the doctor comes out, okay? I won’t know anything further until then.”
I nod, knowing she is right and yet that sinking feeling settles deep inside my chest as I walk toward where the nurse pointed and I plummet into an empty chair. My head falls into the palms of my hands as I pray for the first time in my life. I need her to survive. She has to survive.
