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She pushes me off with one hand and gets up. She walks past me, but I grab her wrist. I only realize after that it could have been the one in the cast. I could have hurt her.
“We can be friends. I need to be in your life, Jamie, you can’t just give up on us like that.”
Like that.As if we haven’t been through hell and back. My heart is getting harder, denying her will to break it. I can feel the asshole taking over, refusing to not get what he wants.
“We love each other too much to be friends, Jake.” Her voice is so soft, like she’s already accepted it and she wants to let me down easy. “All we can do is destroy each other.”
She shakes her head in a sad chuckle. “Think about it. That’s all we’ve ever done. Honestly, I can’t take it anymore. We can’t be together, we can’t be friends, we can’t be anything. Because I love too hard. I just do. And you? You feed on people’s weaknesses. And you’re my biggest weakness, Jake. You’ll always be.”
“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” I snap. “Yesterday you declared your undying love for me. You poured your heart out to me before the fight and now that I finally say yes you’ve changed your mind?!”
Control. Control. Control.
I smile at her, and I know what kind of smile it must be because I can see the excited fear in her eyes. It’s the carnal kind, the kind she loves without admitting.
“I won’t let you get away, Angel. I won’t.”
“You can’t-” My grip on her wrist tightens, scaring her quiet.
“Is that what you want? I’ll fucking bully you into being mine, Jamie. I’ve done it once, I’ll do it again.”
“You can’t do this…” she squeaks in fear.
“But I fucking will if you don’t let us love each other. I decide. When I say we’re off, we’re off. And when I say we’re back together-”
“I’m not stopping us from loving each other! It’s just impossible. I think you were right, we aren’t meant to have a happy ending.”
“That’s fucking bullshit,” I raise my voice and she tenses under it. But I can’t control it, my beast is roaring from the heart ache. “Happy ending is a stupid expression,” I add. “That’s for stories thatend. Our story doesn’t fucking end. Not until I say so.” I pull her close and she hits my chest hard. “And guess what, baby. That’s never,” I seethe.
“It is the end, Jake.” She looks up, a single tear rolling down her cheek and I understand she really means it.
She won’t let me push her. She won’t let me control this situation like I desperately need to.
She pulls on her wrist, and I’m forced to let go. The smile on her face is too fucking sad. I turn my head, incapable of looking at it.
“It doesn’t mean it has to be a bad thing,” she murmurs. “When a story ends, you get to close the book and start another one. Isn’t that the beauty of stories?”
“No…” I try desperately, looking back at her. “You…there’s no logic.”
“It’s the first rational decision I’ve made since meeting you, Jake. I’m sorry. After the summer, I’ll be starting my new life at UPenn and you don’t get to be part of it.”
It’s insane, the way I’m feeling. I can live without ever knowing my parents, because I was never aware of what it felt like to have them in my life. But Jamie? No. I can’t live another day without her in my life. It’s impossible.
Except I’ll have to. Because she doesn’t add another word, she just leaves.
She just…leaves.
Jamie Williams brought me to my knees, and then she left me there. Aching for her, aching for her love.
CHAPTER 26
Give Me a Reason – Jillian Rossi
Jamie
Mom opens the door to the house, and I walk in feeling completely empty. We stopped by Silver’s on the way back from Silver Falls and got nachos and a milkshake to takeaway.
But I’m not hungry. I’m too numb, too far gone. I don’t think anything will make me smile ever again.
