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“Yes, because you are such a saint. You never lied to me. Always squeaky clean. Little Miss Goody Two Shoes.”
“I never lied to you.”
“Think again,” he replies straight away. “The night my brother came to your house, huh? The night he came to tell you that he would never let you be with me. See, Jamie, that’s how toxic my past is. That’s why I don’t want to include you.”
My hands slide in my hair and grip the roots out of frustration.
“You are such an asshole,” I growl. “You mean the same night you beat him up and never told me about it?!”
“Why do you care if I beat him up, huh?! Why do you care about him so much? For fuck’s sake after everything he did. Why would you give him your heart when I’m right here begging for it!”
“You’re not begging for it, you keep pushing me away!” I hiss.
“Because Ihaveto!” His voice thunders into the room and I’m surprised the windows don’t tremble. “And I know I can’t have you, but I’m asking you to not run to him. You belong to me and if I can’t have you, he shouldn’t either. Choose anyone you want just,” his pitch rises with pain, “just don’t choose him.”
“I never chose him over you,” I reply calmly.
“You did!” he rages. “You slept with him and—”
“And you slept with Billie!”
Pushing all pride away, I assault him with the only truth I have left.
“My heart belongs toyou,Jake. And you know how I know it? Because Nathan lied to me, he betrayed me…once. And I never forgave him.”
I take a deep breath before admitting the rest to both him and myself.
“But you? My God, you put me through hell. You bullied me, you used me, you mocked me. I let you humiliate me in front of everyone. I let you play with me like a willing toy. And yet, I don’t regret any of it. After everything you’ve done my heart still whispers your name as it beats. I still love you and it kills me. So yeah, that’s how I know it’s you and not him.”
“Don’t say this, please.”
“That’s what you just begged me to say!” I scream in frustration. My voice sounds hysterical. “What kind of game are you playing?!”
He turns around and pushes his chair away in frustration. “Fuck this shit,” he grumbles quietly “I can’t do this.”
“The reason you can’t take this is because I’m not letting you walk all over me anymore! You don’t want a girl who talks back, a girl who refuses you. You want someone that will bow to you and always agree. That’s not me anymore! Not for you, not for anyone.”
“You’re right.” When he turns around, his voice levels back to normal. As if he’s desperate to keep the peace. “But this is not what this conversation is about.”
“Please enlighten me,” I scoff. “What is this about?”
“It’s about stopping this shit! All the arguing and the hurting and the…the…” he huffs and falls back in the chair. “Jamie…” his voice wavers slightly. “I have to tell you something.”
He sits back down, his elbows land on his knees, and he takes his whole face in his hands. His next words are muffled. “And you’re going to hate me for it.”
I frown as I shake my head. Did he listen to anything I just said?
“But when you do, when you hate me with your whole being. Please,pleaseI’m begging you don’t go back to him. Because he hid just as much as I did.”
My heart picks up as I understand there really is something awful coming.
“What are you talking about?” I whisper in fear.
“I’m not allowed to tell you this. And I shouldn’t for both our sakes. But I can’t keep this to myself anymore, it’s eating me from the inside.”
“Jake, you’re scaring me.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t be scared.”
