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“She doesn’t need to go back to the hospital, though…right?” I ask while glancing between Dr. Adams and the nurse.
Dr. Adams shakes her head. “No. She’s fine where she’s at right now. Just continue with the diet I gave you and keep resting as much as possible. Preferably on your left side.” Dr. Adams looks at the clipboard and I watch her scribble on it while saying, “Your next appointment is in four days.”
I help Rachel up from the chair. She’s still holding onto my hand. I can feel her shaking. She was probably just as scared as I was about returning to the hospital.
“I’m going to recommend we schedule your c-section for November 29th,” Dr. Adams says while writing on the clipboard. “We’ll have another checkup, make sure your baby girl is as healthy and as strong as can be. I’m confident everything will go well.”
“November 29th?” I repeat, the wheels in my head turning. “Wait. I will be away training for counseling. Is there any chance you can move it to the week before, or the week after?”
Dr. Adams gives me a look that suggests I’ve lost my mind. “No,” she says with irritation. “Babies don’t adhere to anyone’s schedule. Any sooner and the baby won’t be healthy enough to live outside the womb. Any later, and we may lose both mother and child. The week of the 29th is our best option.”
“But—” I start, but stop myself. But it may be my child, I want to say. There’s no way I can say that. However, I will feel absolutely terrible if it turns out the little girl growing in Rachel’s belly is mine. What kind of father will that make me if I miss the birth of my own daughter?
“We’ll discuss it at home,” Rachel says softly, giving my hand a little squeeze.
Her words do nothing to calm me. The drive home is quiet. I barely remember it as I park in the driveway. I step out of the driver’s seat and walk around the car. Rachel already has the door open. I take her hands and pull her out of the seat, holding onto her for a moment longer so she can balance herself.
“Are you okay, Hunter?” Rachel asks, her gaze filled with concern as she meets mine.
“No,” I say truthfully. “I want to be here when you give birth.”
Rachel nods. “I know you do, but you have no control over the matter. It doesn’t make you a bad person.”
“Maybe I should cancel my—”
“No!” Rachel shouts. She places her hands on my shoulders and looks me deep in the eye. “Don’t cancel on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You need this job in order to get that internship. The counseling position is exactly what you need on your resume to get your career going. Don’t give all that up for me. The baby will be here when you get back.”
I frown and nod, deciding agreeing with Rachel is better than arguing with her. I follow her inside, my feet kicking the rocks and leaves on the ground.
“Hello!” Rachel calls, her tone filled with excitement.
Alex and Seth pop their heads out of the kitchen. “How was it?” they ask in unison.
My gaze falls on Alex’s hand on Seth’s hip and how their hair looks a bit disheveled. Looks like they were getting busy while we were away.
Lucas walks toward us from the living room, his eyes bright with excitement as he looks between us. “Did you get a due date?”
Rachel nods, her smile growing. “November 29th.”
“Why, that’s about a month and a bit away,” says Seth.
Alex nods. “Not much longer. We should get shopping.”
“Oh! We should get more baby clothes!” Lucas says, already making his way toward the door.
“Well, I’m glad all of you are excited,” I say a bit too harshly.
Everyone’s eyes swing to me. “Why? What’s wrong?” Alex asks innocently.
“Aren’t you all forgetting I will be gone that week.”
Lucas scoffs. “Oh, don’t worry,” he says while swatting my shoulder. “Rachel will be fine. We’ll all be here for her.”
“Well, good for you,” I say, this time very angrily.
“It will be fine,” Rachel says, taking my hand once more. “Don’t worry. It’s only one day you’ll be missing. Trust me. There will be hundreds after. And many sleepless nights.”
I nod and watch everyone talk excitedly. I wish I could be as happy as them, but all I can feel is worry. What if something goes wrong while I’m away? What if she ends up giving birth on her own, or there is a complication with the surgery? I can’t help but feel this heavy shadow lurking in the distance.
