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FOURTEEN
Kayla
When I got home—tothe apartment, I corrected quickly, scolding myself for even thinking of this place as home—I was both tired and amped up.
I returned the SUV and keys and then went back to the apartment to change. In ten minutes, I was settled in the ground-floor gym on one of the top-of-the-line exercise bikes. A virtual ride through the Alps might be just the thing I needed to calm my mind.
Thirty minutes later, I was at least worn out enough to consider sleeping.
I made my way back upstairs, the day, and my emotions, finally starting to catch up with me. I peeled off my clothes and headed for the shower, eager to get clean and then get into bed.
I tried not to think positively about anything associated with Elias, but I secretly loved this bathroom. The apartment was small, and the bathroom was too, especially considering the opulence that being in the Petrosyan family’s orbit had exposed me to. The bathroom at Elias’s current apartment put this one to shame, but I didn’t care.
I loved this space.
It had been designed perfectly, with the toilet tucked away in a separate room and a vanity with built-in storage that went floor to ceiling. But the real star was the shower. There was a separate bath tub and stand-up shower stall that while not huge still managed to be luxurious.
The fixtures were top-notch and the shower head had knobs and settings that I still didn’t know how to use. I couldn’t put my finger on why, but this shower was my escape, and I’d lost count of the number of times I’d used it to scream out my frustration, cry tears, wash away the powerlessness that I tried to ignore.
Out there, I had to manage, maintain, walk the tight rope that had been my life for so long that it felt almost normal. But in here, I could just be Kayla Dutton, whatever the hell that meant.
But I told myself I wouldn’t miss it.
That when my time was up, I’d find something better, something that was mine, without Elias’s—
“What the fuck!” I screamed when a strong arm wrapped around my waist.
I tried to fight against the hold but was basically immobile, especially when the arm tightened, pulling me back against a hard chest. I pushed back, awareness creeping in as the shock faded.
“Did I catch you daydreaming?” Elias said, his tone playful.
“What are you doing?” I said through clenched teeth.
It was one thing for him to scare the shit out of me, and I didn’t appreciate that at all. It was worse for him to invade the place and time that I cherished so much.
“You mad, Kayla?” he said as he nuzzled my ear with his nose and then grazed his lips along my jaw.
“Mad why? Because you invaded my space? What if I am? You’d just remind me that I don’t have any space. That any space I enjoy is because of you,” I spat.
He chuckled low, the vibration moving through his body and into mine. That sound did something to me, and I tried to ignore the flutter in my stomach. Something that was nearly impossible with him trailing those soft kisses on my face and neck.
“Now you’re starting to get it,” he said, his warm breath teasing my ear.
I huffed out, finding it hard to focus on how pissed I was at him, and in truth, not really wanting to.
As much as I hated it, being in Elias’s arms felt good. Soothed away those jagged edges that the workout and shower hadn’t. I knew it was false, knew that the comfort, the safety, I felt was simply an illusion.
But the need, the desire, was real, and if the hardness that was insistently pressing against my back was any indication, his was real too.
I wanted to fight that feeling, mostly because I knew I should, knew that this…whatever the hell we were doing was only adding complication to my life, and I had more than enough of that as it was.
But the selfish part of me wanted this.
When I was with him like this, I felt good, almost happy, as terrified as that made me. I’d have to pay the consequences of indulging this madness, but I’d been paying for years.
Wasn’t it only fair that I got something for myself?
I let my body sink into his, let my shoulders relax, pressed my back to his chest. Only a little, but a little was enough.
