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I’m holding high hopes my struggle will end soon and I’ll find my voice to speak again.
It doesn’t happen. And the silence prolongs, his eyes drilling deeper inside me, and now I feel his stare in every corner of my body––my chest, my head, even my core.
It’s like a dark invasion.
I don’t know what to say, but I should definitely say something. Mumble an excuse if nothing else and go to the bathroom. Regroup. Rehearse my speech and return.
I need to speak and prove to myself that I’m not having a meltdown and I’m not impaired in some way because we no longer have what we had before.
I need to find out what this is.
Why do I feel this way?
I part my lips, but nothing comes out other than a soft gasp.
His eyes dip, and he looks at me as if he wants to press his lips against my mouth, not hear me speak.
That thought makes me even more nervous, pouring gasoline on the fire. The fire that’s been licking around my edges for the past few minutes.
Despite putting out a cool appearance, I am so restless inside. And then it strikes me.
I know what would make me feel better.
I know what would pull me out of my misery.
I know what would make this night better and the idea of spending time with them even more appealing.
This is so strange I can’t even dare to consider it a serious possibility.
It can’t be that.
It can’t be I need Kai Walker so much that I experience some sort of withdrawal when he pulls away from me emotionally.
Was he doing some form of reverse psychology this morning by planting the idea in my head that I would fall for him?
Why would he bring that up? And why would he say it as if it were fate?
He doesn’t know that.
He doesn’t even know if things will work out between us. If it will be good or bad. Forget that.
Why do I feel like I’m fading if he doesn’t wrap his arms around me and locks my lips? If I can’t feel his chest against me and his touch on my hair?
My last experience with him was dark, unsettling, and memorable in the worst kind of way.
And now I want him?? Am I slipping into one of those crazy love stories with him?
Forget the agreement, the rules, and the prerequisites for me to win this game. Forget about not having feelings for each other.
I feel like I can’t breathe without him.
But that must be the environment. The circumstances. These amazing settings. I blame it on anything but the thing that stares me in the eye, laughing at me.
It must be the intensity of these past few days.
The place and lack of sleep.
These sexy dresses messing with my hormones, and the men stirring me up. Excite me, pleasure me, and let me play with them.
