Page 38 of When We Feel


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I’m not sure whether it’s the man who worked the night shift and was here this morning. No, it’s not, but he knows what I’m talking about when I ask him.

Alejandro is not back, he confirms.

Okay.

I thank him and walk to the pool. It’s a beautiful morning with a cool breeze, but the air and water are warm enough to make swimming enjoyable.

Some people do just that.

A few clouds cross the sky, unable to stop the bright sunlight from gliding across the smooth surfaces, getting entangled in the luxuriant vegetation, and gleaming in the pool.

The place is beautiful at night and mesmerizing in the morning.

People jog up an alley not far from the ocean while the palm trees sway their leaves in the wind.

I forget about my phone, my sleepless night, the men in my life, and how gray New York is, by contrast, in the winter.

I follow a group of people to a small park by the ocean and stop at the handrail where I take it all in.

The wind brings the salty smell of the ocean to my nostrils.

It’s chilly. Sitting here, near the water, I start shivering.

It’s probably because I’m not moving, and I’m tired. And I should’ve dressed differently. I’m not much of a jogger, but looking at these people, I wish I could join them.

What am I talking about?

My workout sessions have been almost non-existent. I realize how little structure I’ve had in my life.

Giana would have a blast seeing me right now. Like a princess… She’d say.

Right. What a princess.

Brrr… I’m freezing, goosebumps dotting my skin.

I move my eyes to the water, and the buildings erected across the bay. It’s a beautiful place. Different than New York. New York is unique, and Manhattan, in particular, has a special charm. And Long Island is like a fairy tale.

I’ve always loved that place.

Especially my grandma’s place. But look where it’s gotten me, having neighbors like Kai Walker.

“Miss… Miss.”

Like many others, I flick my eyes to the man rushing to the handrail.

He looks at me.

I straighten.

“Yes…”

He pulls to an abrupt stop in front of me, panting. He is not the concierge clerk.

“I’m sorry. We couldn’t find your phone,” he says in a more even tone. “We found the woman who had cleaned your room. She checked everything she had removed from your room. Your phone wasn’t there. I’m sure it’s in the room. It often happens that our guests misplace their phones and panic. You shouldn’t panic. I’m here to help. Can we go back and try to locate it together?”

My answer lags. I don’t know why, but my brain refuses to come up with words.

“Miss…”

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