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That’s not what I wanted to hear from him.
I nod in response, tension lodging in my throat.
“All right, baby…” That nasal voice of his gives me shivers.
He tilts his head as if he wants to leave another kiss on my cheek. A distracted, friendly kiss I don’t need right now.
What am I doing?
My arm goes around his neck. And his arm goes around my waist, and I touch his lips with my lips.
He’s still cold beneath my touch. And for the life of me, I don’t understand why it turns me on so badly and why it becomes the mission of my life to feel that blazing fire in him again.
We lock lips.
I feel winter, secrets, an abyss, and a long sleep in his kiss.
He breaks the kiss and my heart squeals. Everything that’s happened since I met this man no longer matters.
The only thing that counts is why he is so preoccupied right now and why the words I said impact him so much.
What is it that he hides?
He pulls away from me. And I follow him to the door, every step becoming a painful journey and an exercise in futility.
As if I’m not going to see him again. Or feel him again. Or have fun with him and his friends again.
I manage to reach the door before him. I slide it open and wait, with my lip rolled beneath my teeth.
He is about to walk out, and my heart beats like a scared bird when I touch his shoulder, summoning his eyes to me.
I don’t have words for him. I can’t even give him a kiss. It hasn’t worked before, has it?
It’s only turned my world upside down.
That’s why I’m here. Now. My hand on his shoulder. His eyes colliding with mine.
Therefore I can only give him my eyes… And a peek inside my heart, where things happen. I don’t know what exactly.
It feels like a soft wind blowing in my soul, and a window opening to the sun, bringing warmth to my heart.
Even I don’t know what that means, but I want him to stay. I want to feel his lips on me. And I want to writhe under his body before meeting him and the other two men again in a room.
Before touching him in front of the others.
And now I realize… How easy it is, in fact, to know if there are feelings.
Things aren’t the same.
They aren’t the same even now, after spending some time with each of them in private.
Aside from self-reflection, secrets, and the stories living in our heads, getting together in a room again will be completely different. Emotionally, I mean.
How will I feel under his touch? And Alejandro’s touch? And Francisco’s hands? With all of them witnessing the transformation?
All eyes on me. My eyes on them.
I warned Kai that they would need to deal with my emotions, and now I see how dangerous it is.
