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11
"Oh, fucking hells."I looked down at the corner of pizza which had dropped off my slice and slid down the front of my blouse. It left a long red smear, like blood, all the way down the fabric.
Jake chuckled. "You can't even blame me for that. It's not my fault this time."
"You look even more tasty," Cooper said.
I flashed Cooper a smile and flipped Jake the finger before picking up the corner and popping it in my mouth.
"I'm stuffed." I was surprised Jake let me eat as much as I wanted to without saying a word. Because of that, I ate an extra two pieces I didn't need and might regret later. Whatever, I didn't regret it now. I would have to work out twice as long in the morning, but I would welcome that to being locked in a room.
"I'm going to turn in," I said.
In unison, the guys all stood, like they were going to follow me into my bedroom. When they realised what they'd all done, they all stopped and looked at each other.
"Rock, paper, scissors?" Cooper asked.
"Alone," I said firmly. "The four of you can sort out the other two bedrooms and the couches. I need some time to myself."
Before they could argue with me, I turned and headed into my room. I closed the door behind me but didn't bother to lock it. If anyone got past the security and four guys, than a lock couldn't keep them out.
I dropped my clothes on the floor on the way to have a quick shower and pull on sleep shorts and a singlet. I half expected to find at least one of the guys waiting for me on or under the covers, but the room was empty. The bed was cold.
I pulled the covers up over myself and tried to get comfortable.
Ben sent reassuring thoughts through the bond and I sent him back assurances that I was fine.
While his special dose of calm was soothing, the bond was disconcerting. Mostly, I didn't want him to know how I really felt. At best, he would worry about me. At worst, he would tell the other guys and they would start fussing over me all over again.
I should have asked Paxton and Harmony about the possibility of breaking the bond. Ben had a job to do, and this was another distraction that we didn't need.
I made a mental note to contact Harmony on the number she gave me and see if they could tell me how to break it. I couldn't imagine Ben wanted to be attached to me like this for the rest of his life. My mind was frenetic and chaotic. He didn't deserve to be inundated with that, constantly. He didn't mind now, but eventually he would. I was certain of it.
I lay awake for a long time, listening to the sounds of the guys’ voices, and them settling down for the night.
Knowing Jake, he had a bedroom to himself. Cooper had all but moved into the third bedroom before I was taken. Hutton would probably sleep on the couch. Knowing Ben, he would stay awake all night watching over us all. The man was nothing if not diligent about doing his job.
I knew right now he thought of it as more than a job. I would have to remedy that. We formed a bond, aside from the magical one, because of our shared ordeal.
Now we were back, we had to return to being boss and bodyguard. Whether he liked it or not.
WhetherIliked it or not. Letting myself get close to him was a mistake. I knew that now. We turned to each other because we were stuck in a horrible situation we weren't sure we would survive. I should have been tougher than that. I should have kept my distance. Easy to say when we were stuck in a room alone, but fucking him was unprofessional and stupid, and Dagen had taken full advantage of it.
In the back of my mind, I reminded myself that if we hadn't, I would have a bond with Dagen right now. And his slimy touch would have been all over my body.
I shuddered and pulled the covers tighter around me.
Here, alone in the dark, it was easy to let monsters crawl over, and under my skin. Memories I hid from when the guys were around found me here. Being held down. The surgery. The smell of blood before Dagen's wolves ate the parts of me he stole.
My stomach turned and the pizza threatened to come back up. I threw back the covers and staggered to the bathroom. I managed to hold back my hair and leaned over the toilet just before I lost every crumb of pizza, and then some.
I sank to my knees and waited until my stomach was completely empty before I rose and rinsed my mouth. I brushed my teeth and fled back to bed before any of the guys decided to check up on me.
Shit. I shouldn't have to worry about people caring about me. I was Ivory for gods' sake. People should be scaredofme, not scaredforme. And I certainly shouldn't feel like I needed to scurry around my own apartment above my own nightclub.
I pulled the covers back over myself and tried again to get comfortable. At least with my stomach purged, that was easier. I no longer felt bloated and stuffed. I just felt… Empty. Not just my stomach, but the rest of me as well.
Good. Empty was easier to deal with than vulnerable. Numb was a lot less painful. This was exactly the place I had retreated to after my parents' deaths. I built a wall of ice around me to shield myself from Helen Dagen and the rest of the Onyx Ridge pack. It got me through then, it would get me through now.
