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Even Hutton nodded.
"I can argue with one or two of you, but not all of you," I said. I pressed the button to complete the order and put my phone away. "I'll let you guys fight over who is going to go downstairs and meet the delivery person."
"Cooper and Ben can go," Jake said. "I'll keep an eye on you. You should be safe enough here."
"I'll keep an eye on you too, babe," Hutton said. "Can't trust a guy who has extra pineapple on his pizza."
"Can't trust a guy who keeps flirting with my woman," Jake retorted.
"It's up to her to decide whose woman she is, right babe?" Hutton said.
The testosterone in the room was off the charts. Usually, I liked it. Today it felt like a pressure on my chest.
"Just lay off each other," I snapped. "Or I'll kick you all out. After the pizza is delivered."
Both of them snapped their mouths shut so fast their teeth clicked. I wasn't sure if it was the threat of being kicked out, or the promise of missing out on pizza. Maybe both. Whatever, it got the desired result.
No one said being a wolf was easy. Especially when more than one of them wanted to be alpha. I needed to lay down the law more stringently, apparently. Jake got to play the role of alpha while we were in public, but I was the one in charge around here. They could argue amongst themselves about who was beta and who was omega, as long as they did what I told them to.
I sat down in one of the plush armchairs. Partly because I wanted to sit by myself and partly because the chair faced the rest of the room. I trusted all four of the guys with my life, but I couldn’t sit with my back to them. I was going to be extra cautious for a while. A long while, probably.
No one would blame me for that. Frankly, fuck them if they did. I thought I was on guard before Dagen took me. I knew now that I wasn't on guard enough. I was distracted and let the asshole's mind games get to me. I had to be more focused than that. I had to be on my game every minute of every day.
Every second.
Jake knelt down in front of my chair, one hand on one arm, the other on his knee. "I didn't do enough to keep you safe, and I'm sorry for that. I expected Dagen to come after one of our businesses. I didn't think he would come after you personally. It's a ballsy move, especially for him."
"We should have anticipated every possibility," I said. "We took him by surprise by not being together. We should do that more often. Be apart. It wouldn't help the organisation if he takes us both out."
I sighed out my nose. "I was right, you know. About us being together. I thought we would be too distracted, and we were. It could have gotten one of us killed. Or both of us."
"El…" He looked like he was struggling to find the words to say. To deny the truth in what I was saying.
"I'm right and you know it," I said firmly.
"No, I don't know it," he said. "We weren't together because I was dealing with Haigwood, like I've dealt with a million things before. You drove yourself home like you've done at least as many times. Neither of us was any more or any less distracted than usual."
He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. "I remember what you said to me after you told me to contact Harmony. You told me you loved me. I know you, you don't say things like that unless you mean them."
"People say things when they're sure they're about to die," I said. Gods, my tone was colder than ice.
"Bullshit," he said. "I get it, you're freaked out. I don't know what Dagen did to you, but it obviously wasn't good. I wish you would confide in me, but if you feel like you can't…" He sucked in a breath. "Hells, Elodie, at least don't shut me out. We've been through too much together. You're my whole fucking universe." His voice was choked with emotion.
"I thought I lost you. Believe me when I tell you I just about ripped heaven and earth apart to find you. When I found your car parked by the side of the road and you not in it…" He swallowed audibly. "I could have ripped every black wolf in the state apart with my bare hands. I tortured a few for information. They're all dead now." He smiled fiercely. "They fucked with the wrong woman."
He turned one of my hands and laced his fingers into mine. "I think I've proved to you that I’ll give you all the space you need. All the time. I'll do that again if I have to, for as long as it takes. Just, please don't keep me waiting for another eight years."
I bit my lip to keep from crying. I didn't need a bond to know how deeply he felt for me. I knew it since the day we met. I felt the same way.
But feeling vulnerable was worse than feeling lonely.
"Jake—"
He pressed a finger to my lips. "Don't tell me no. Don't say anything. There's plenty of time for that. Let's just enjoy our pizza and that you’re home with us again. We don't need to worry about anything else right now. Okay?"
I nodded and took his hand gently to move it away from my face. "I give you no guarantee I won't change my mind, but I shouldn't make a decision on an empty stomach."
Only, I already had made a decision. At some point he would have to accept it. He wouldn't like it, but it was how things had to be.
