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He was truly a beast in the bedroom, but he was complicated man. I felt myself blush, thinking about this morning and last night. We were bound by sexual energy, that was for sure. Still, the whole sex act was new to me, and I was a little disappointed that he didn’t kiss me after. I felt like he was holding back on me.
Pedro was hanging in the living room right by the entrance, with a good view of the French doors at the back, so there was no way I could have sneaked out. That man was loyal to Sebastian. There were others who worked for my husband, but Sebastian treated him like he was part of the family.
I went back to Sebastian’s bedroom, but found nothing personal in there. The décor was tasteful and classic. He had a few books on the nightstand—crime thrillers. I searched the drawers but came up empty-handed.
I decided to search his office on the same floor. Floor to ceiling bookshelves took up the entire wall behind the desk. It was a huge space that fit the man to a T. Sebastian was the type of guy who liked to be in control. He said he had two brothers, one of whom I’d met and learned he’d been having an affair with Russina. I just wasn’t sure if Sebastian knew and let it slide because their marriage had been only a business arrangement.
On his desk, there were several pictures of Lilly, one of me and him, and another of me alone. I looked happy in it, but I couldn’t remember when this was taken. In the drawers, I found more pictures of me on holiday. The views were incredible and I looked so relaxed. There were also several pictures of Lilly in the hospital with me.
My heart tightened in my chest. She couldn’t have been more than a year old in one of them, and she was sitting on my bed, staring at me.
Feeling emotional, I felt a bit dirty for looking through my husband’s things, but I didn’t want to wait to get to know more about him. I found a bunch of paperwork in the office, some of which showed Sebastian owned three clubs and a few other properties.
When Lilly woke up, we found a Mexican woman in the kitchen. She introduced herself as Penelope. Apparently, she used to be the house cleaner who came in twice a week, but now she took care of the household and kitchen, and we’d be seeing a lot more of her.
“It’s so good to see you again, Marinka,” she said, after she played with Lilly for a short while.
“So you know me… I mean, we’ve met before?” I asked.
“Yes, of course. You lived here for a little while with Sebastian. He was so happy when he had you around,” she said.
I asked about her and found out she was from Puerto Rico, and worked for Sebastian for many years. She would no doubt be a good source of information I just had to figure out how I could get her to reveal a few interesting facts about him without being too pushy.
“Really? So he didn’t keep me locked up in here?” I asked flippantly, and her eyes went wide as saucers.
“Locked up? No, you got married in France and I have seen the pictures,” she said. “You took care of him when he was beaten up and had several ribs broken. He couldn’t even walk, poor thing. I know it’s probably hard for you because you don’t remember much, but I’m sure all your memories will come back soon enough.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. She obviously knew him more than me. I told myself I just had to give it time. We were getting to know each other, one day at a time.
“I would like to know more about him. I know it’s only been day but tell me what kind of man he is?” I asked her then, going for the direct approach.
She sighed and started cutting vegetables, clearly thinking about her answer. I did like her, and didn’t want to say anything to make her uncomfortable. Penelope was an expressive and kind soul. I’d only just met her but she beamed with positivity.
She stopped chopping, as if finally deciding what to say. “I’d say quiet. He has never been very talkative, but he is caring and loyal to a fault. I know that his parents are dead and he has two brothers,” she said. “He can be intense and abrupt at times, but you have to give him a chance, Marinka. I have worked for him for a long time and I know he is a good man, even considering the fact he is in the mafia.”
I was a little shocked that she knew about this, but why wouldn’t she? Sebastian probably trusted her and she was giving me good advice. I had all the time on the world to get to know him. We talked a bit more, and Penelope told me a few interesting facts before she had to rush off to finish dinner, then clean the entire bottom floor and the bathrooms.
Later on, I gave Tasha the rest of the day off and took Lilly to the park. Pedro drove us there and kept a close eye on us. He didn’t look pleased with the idea of us venturing out, but the whole trip was uneventful. We came back safely, then I heated up the dinner Penelope prepared for us. I waited for Sebastian but when he didn’t come home by six-thirty, I knew I had to feed Lilly and get her ready for bed.
I missed Sebastian. He came home late when Lilly was already fast asleep and didn’t even come speak to me. I’d decided to sleep in the guest room again, all the while wondering what was wrong with me. I wanted to go to him, but I felt he needed his space tonight. One night of passion didn’t really change anything between us.
Giving up on sleep, I switched on the bedside table and then down on the bed, staring at the tiny scars on my upper thighs. There weren’t many. Most had faded over time, but some gave me lasting proof of the mess I was before I met Sebastian. I traced one of them, feeling a faint urge to do it again. To relieve the pain. I didn’t know what to do. Why was I feeling this? Why, when I had Lilly, a husband who apparently adored me, and a new lease on life? This made no sense.
The image of Nicolas appeared in my mind, and the horrible way he’d taken his own life. Those scars were a reminder of him, of that time in my life when nothing could ease the agony of losing him.
Now that I was lying here, waiting, that suffering didn’t seem a thing of the past anymore. It was here, keeping me company, reminding me that though I wanted to get my memories back, some things I yearned to forget.
Things like the constant arguments with my mother, and the pain that she had put me through. She never blamed herself for Nicolas’ desperation, and she could never accept the fact he was gay. I stared at the scars. I needed something sharp—something that could make me forget.
My head bounded and sweat broke out on my brow. Sebastian must have seen the scars before, and I wondered how he’d reacted to that. No one had ever cared in my life. My mother was aware of it, but she had never addressed the issue. She ignored it completely, pretending that this was never a problem.
“What the hell are you doing?” a familiar voice startled me.
I yanked my nighty down and looked up to see Sebastian standing by the door. He was shirtless and looking oh so delicious. Butterflies took flight in my stomach.
“Nothing. You shouldn’t be here. I didn’t hear you knock,” I snapped, trying to act like the fact that he was bare chested didn’t faze me at all, but it did. The air got hot all of a sudden.
“I knocked several times, but you were too absorbed in your examination of your scars to hear me, teacup,” he said, giving me a soul-searching look.
