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Chapter 54
Wraythe
Irila took me to the dining hall, stole the used plates I was carrying, and pointed me toward a table at the side. Obediently, I headed toward it, dreading the talk that was about to come. And yes, I knew a talk was coming. If for no other reason than to buy her desire a little more time with mine. Although, I was pretty sure this was going to be one of those conversations that made me feel like an ignorant little boy.
So when Irila set a bottle of white wine on the table, I was a little surprised. After that came two glasses, and then she sat straight across from me and started pouring. I wasn't honestly a fan of wine, just like Nari didn't really care for ale, but I'd drink it.
"So," Irila said, "this is to give you something for your hands and ensure that your head stays clear, since I know you hate it. It also keeps people from wondering why we're sitting here talking while our wards are somewhere else. You ok with that?"
"Good plan," I said, taking a sip to prove I was on board.
"So how bad was the session?" she asked, clearly meaning Ela's night with Cayden.
"Not as bad as I expected, but I can easily see where it'll get worse. Why?"
"You know how to find the line?"
I shook my head. "Not at all. And that's part of the problem. I'm willing to bet thathedoesn't have one, and patrons don't get guardians."
"They'll give you both a safe word and an easily-repeated gesture. That's how such assignments are set up. The bigger question is if you trust your ward in such a situation."
Her voice made that sound like a statement, but the pause afterward gave me the chance to speak up. To lodge a complaint. I just wasn't quite sure that I wanted to let anyone know just how terrifying my best friend could be. No, terrifying wasn't the right word.Iwasn't scared of him. I simply knew that others should be.
"What if he won't stop?" I asked. "Say, what happens if a priest kills a person in the middle of a session?"
She carefully lifted her glass and took a bigger drink than I expected. "Let's just say that it wouldn't be good. Stripped of his lace for starters, probably tried for murder in the civilian courts, and potentially liable for compensation to the patron's family. 'Not good' is the easiest way to fit all of that into a neat and tidy phrase. The point is for you to make sure it doesn't happen."
"How?" I asked. "Irila, you don't understand. This is Eladehl we're talking about. He doesn't snap. He doesn't lose his temper or fall into a rage. He carefully - meticulously - does whatever he wants to hurt a person in the most targeted way possible."
"Wraythe," she asked, "do you honestly think he'd hurt someone that badly?"
"If he thought he should," I said softly. "His moral compass has always pointed a different direction from everyone else's. It points to us. Straight to Nari and myself. I dunno, maybe Talin now, but still. If he thought killing someone was the right call, then yeah. I think he'd do it and never regret the decision."
"And for a normal liaison?" she asked.
"Nah, that'd be fine," I assured her. "Well, I hope it would be."
So she dropped her elbows on the table. "What aren't you telling me? Eladehl's never been a problem. He's a good kid, he made good grades, and he's never tried to hurt Nari. Has he?"
"No!" I insisted. "He'd never hurt her, but you didn't see the look in his eyes. And it wasn't even a bad session. He didn't really hurt the guy, just some erotic asphyxiation, you know?"
"I do," she agreed. "And I know that it's sometimes hard to watch, but Shalsa says she can feel it. That she can tell when they're at the line and she'll let up. Just enough to let them breathe, but not enough to remove the dominance. You have to trust your desire as much as you want him to trust you."
"Ward," I corrected without thinking.
She smiled at me. "Right. Your best friend. So what's really bothering you, big guy?"
"He liked it," I breathed. "Not just the fucking. I mean, I get that part. I even get how he'd like being in charge and shit. I dunno, it was just that when he was choking that guy, it felt like he wanted to see if he could snap his neck. Like there was some inner battle he was fighting. I mean, could be me just being a softie, but I'm not sure how to deal with that."
"It's like..." She glanced around looking for an example, but then dropped her eyes to the table. "You remember how in your tenth year, you hated the restriction against penetration? How you just wanted to finally feel Nari in your arms, to be inside her, and to finish this thing that felt like it was just out of reach?"
"Yeah?" I said, wondering where she was going with this.
"And then, do you remember when you stepped out of the Choosing Room, they saw the marks on your back, and shuffled you right in to get ringed? The pain of the process - although I hear that ours hurt more at first and yours later, but still. There you were, on top of the world, but before you could finally enjoy being all grown up, your choices were stripped away with pain and suffering?"
I nodded. "Yeah, and how I tried to convince myself it was ok, and I could handle it? That at least I got to be around the people I cared about? I remember."
"Have you ever considered that Eladehl is going through the same thing? There's this need that he wants so bad. It's just out of reach, forbidden, and he got so close last night. He can imagine it, and that need is fueling him the same way the idea of being with Nari drove you. He just wants to know, but time and time again, his decision is taken from him. Until the ring finally broke, and now he has just realized that it really is possible."
