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CHAPTER 39
Cheyenne
Iwas reading the instructions on my Z-pack when I got a text from Milly, my grandparents’ house manager, saying my grandmother was home and recovering.
I’d been feeling under the weather since Hank and I got back. I’d gone to the doctor thinking I had allergies, but it turned out to be a double sinus infection. He’d given me antibiotics and I was hoping that I’d feel better in a few days.
After swallowing the pill, a yawn claimed me. Besides the sinus headache I’d been fighting, I’d also been exhausted. I wasn’t sure if that was because of all the travel I’d been doing or the relief of finally knowing who my father was. Or if I was just depressed that I hadn’t seen Cash in the past few days.
We’d spoken every day. He kept calling to make sure I was okay and ask if I needed anything. We would talk for a few minutes, and then I’d say that I was tired. The truth was, it was hard to hear his voice.
I knew that at some point we’d have to talk about “us”, but I just didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to handle that particular conversation at this time. So, I’d given myself a deadline that when Marissa and Amelia left to go back to Boston, my pity-party was officially over, and I had to face everything. Until then, it was moping, naps, and ice cream.
I’d just sat down with a carton of rainbow sherbet when there was a knock at the door. I figured it was probably Isabella or Reagan. I’d been able to hold them off this long using the fact that I might be contagious to keep them away, but now that they knew I had a sinus infection that wasn’t contagious, they were probably here for an intervention.
I opened the door fully expecting to be bombarded with positive affirmations, and rom com movies, instead I found Billy standing on my porch, his porch, with a sheepish expression on his face.
“Are you okay?” It was strange to see my brother be anything but the confident, outgoing, jokester that I knew him to be.
He walked in without saying a word and I closed the door.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, suddenly getting concerned.
He sighed. “I’m an asshole.”
“What did you do? Is Reagan okay?”
I couldn’t imagine a world where he would do anything to hurt her. He adored Reagan. Sure, I’d heard about all the panty dropper stuff, but I’d only known him as an adult since he met Reagan. In fact, I’d seen the moment they met for the first time. Billy had been late to our father’s will reading, yet he’d waltzed in like he’d owned the place. I found out later that he’d been in the closet with the temp receptionist, but that was pre-Reagan.
“Reagan’s fine. I was an asshole to you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I told Cash to stay away from you.”
“You told the entire town to stay away from me.” This was not new information. Even Tim joked that he was risking life and limb when he asked me to dance.
“Yeah, but I really meant it with Cash, and it wasn’t right. You are a grown woman. You can make your own decisions who you want to be with. I only did it because…” He looked down at the ground.
“Why do you have such a problem with me and Cash?”
“Because I didn’t protect you, Shadow.” He lifted his hand and wiped beneath his eyes. “When they came and took you, I didn’t protect you.”
Billy and I had never talked about the day my grandparents showed up and took me to live with them. But it was one of the clearer memories I had.
We were at the house, in the kitchen, and Billy and I were hiding under the table. My grandfather pulled us out and ripped me from his arms. Literally. He was screaming trying to hold on to me and I was crying and reaching for him.
I felt my eyes begin to tear. “You were a kid. You couldn’t do anything.”
He sniffed. “Yeah, maybe then. But I grew up. The second I turned eighteen I should have gone and looked for you. I should have found you.”
I could see the guilt weighing on him and I wished that I could take it away from him. I wished that I could do something to convince him that he hadn’t done anything wrong.
“You had a lot going on. You had the bar to run, and you were dealing with your own trauma. Plus, I was still underage. They wouldn’t have let you near me.”
“Those are just excuses. You were my baby sister, and I didn’t protect you. I’m so, so sorry.”
I could see that words weren’t doing the trick, so I wrapped my arms around him in a hug. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
