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I just have never done it.
And I don’t know how to feel about it, yet, because the other part of me really wants to kiss again. Both of them. Even Seth, who, despite his asshole personality, is actually a really good kisser. Who would have thought?
I glance over at him, walking next to me down the sidewalk towards campus. He looks freshly bathed. His hair moves easily with the breeze.It was soft when I ran my hands through it,I remember faintly. My face heats when I remember the way he moaned, how he pressed against me. I remember feeling his hard dick through the jeans and the need for more.No,I tell myself.You do not needany more Seth.Honestly, I don’t think I would be feeling so torn if I kissed someone else after Lucas. Even Hunter would have been a better choice than Seth, even though he is also a bit of a jackass. Even more now after his injury.
And then there’s Josh.
Sweet Josh. I should be kissing him and not Seth. Josh with his beautiful eyes and his gentle ways.He even asked me if I wanted to go to the art museum today.I frown, remembering how sad he looked when I turned him down.Other plans I told him. Other plans with a guy who wants to make my life a living hell.I should have said yes to Josh and played sick for Seth.
But I am a bit curious as to where he plans on taking me today.Not to mention, he woke me up at five this morning.Someone who wakes up at five on a Saturday definitely has big plans. There’s no way I could play sick with this much curiosity going through me.
I gaze into the distance as the sun begins to climb over the mountain tops, casting golds and crimsons and lighting the small quaint town in its glittering rays. It’s beautiful. Aurora is absolutely beautiful, and even in its autumn beauty I wonder what it will look like once snow begins to fall.
“There,” Seth says while pointing where I’ve been looking. “That would make a beautiful picture.”
I level my camera and look through the lens. It is a beautiful picture, but I can’t get the lighting right and there are telephone poles and wires in the way.The picture is just going to fall flat compared to the beauty in front of me,I tell myself while lowering my camera.
“Did you get it?” Seth asks. He smiles and looks over my shoulder to look into the display.
I shake my head. “No.” I sigh and try to ignore his pestering gaze. I don’t even know how to explain myself. I just can’t take pictures. I’m not the greatest photographer in theworld and I guess at this rate I never will be. “I can’t get it right,” I say instead, not wanting to unload all my pent up baggage. He already thinks I’m crazy for some reason. No reason to add fuel to the fire now.
“You can’t get it right?” He looks at me, his brows furrowing while he purses his lips. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He waves at the mountains. “Just take it. Take hundreds. Then you can look at it after and decide which is the best.”
I roll my eyes. “That’s not my method.”
“Then you’re going to have a whole lot of nothing if you don’t take at least something.” He watches me with crossed arms and nods towards the mountains. “Just one picture. Not that hard. You just push the little button at the top. I can take it for you if you want.”
I scowl at him, immediately recalling the last time he touched my camera. “No, that’s quite alright,” I say while putting my camera up to my face. “I don’t need any more dick pics.”
He chuckles and in that instant, even if it is a crappy shot, I push the button and hold it, taking at least ten shots of the mountains in the distance. I go to open my display, but Seth is already sprinting ahead of me. “Look at it later,” he calls, waving at me to join him. “We won’t have time for everything at this rate.”
This really is going to be interesting,I think while slinging my camera over my shoulder and running after him.
The entire day I follow Seth around Aurora while taking pictures of coffee shops, the lighting in the surrounding woods, people playing music in the small college town square and every time I question whether or not it’s the right shot, Seth pressures me to push the button no matter what.
And I have to hand it to Seth, he’s really good at getting me to do what I don’t want to.I never realized before how much I questioned myself,I think while flipping through the display screen on my camera, chuckling at one shot I took of Seth making a face at some dog poo he stepped in.I probably shouldn’t use this for my project,I tell myself while quickly pressing the button and staring at a beautiful picture of the woods just on the outskirts of town. I find myself scrutinizing the picture, yet finding absolutely nothing wrong with it. The light slips in through the trees perfectly, showing the difference in shadows and depth.
I wouldn’t have taken this without Seth,I realize, glancing up and watching him placing our orders at the cash register. After spending the entire day around campus, Seth and I wind up at The Cup. It’s a cute little cafe situated in the heart of town and we were able to swindle a table next to the window from an elderly couple a few minutes prior. I gaze out the window overlooking the town when I see Seth heading back towards me.
I don’t need him knowing I was looking at him.
“Coffee will be ready in a few minutes,” he says and sits down in the chair across from me. “Wow,” I hear him say and look over, catching him taking my camera and looking at the picture with the woods. “You’re actually pretty good.”
I smile. “Thanks to you.” I shake my head when my gaze catches on the initial first shot of the day with the sun rising over the mountains. “I wouldn’t have been able to capture anything if it wasn’t for you.”
Seth shrugs. “You just gotta let go. It’s like running.”
I raise an eyebrow. “How is photography anything like running?”
Seth nods to the waiter when he sets down the coffee mugs in front of us. My hands instantly reach for the warmth, inhaling the intoxicating scent of mocha before diving in and licking cream from my lips. When I look up I see Seth watching me and flush.
“Well, running has always helped me let go,” he says, reaching forward to wipe cream from my upper lip.
I watch him lick the white residue from his fingers. I shift uncomfortably in my chair as I remember his kisses on the couch. I cross my legs tightly, accidentally touching his leg with my foot. His nostrils flare and I ignore the tightness I feel in the pit of my stomach. “How so?” I breathe. I run my hands through my hair to give me something to do other than stare at his lips.
Seth shrugs. He looks at the window for a moment as if seeing something that isn’t there. “Dad walks out, go for a run. Mom can’t pay the bills, go for a run. Guys are assholes at school, go for a run.” He shrugs again before taking a sip from his filtered coffee. “It’s just how I’ve always been able to let go of the stress.”
“Really?” I ask, imagining young Seth going through all that. It’s hard. He’s definitely a dick, but now hearing it I realize that there is a reason for the tough exterior.
