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Ana
I may have messed up. The moment Blaise mentioned Owen, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my thoughts even. Not while I felt such frustration and pain from the rejection he put me through.
How did I go to bed feeling like my life couldn’t possibly get any better, to wishing Blaise wouldn’t act like the brooding guy I knew him to be? Now that I knew what was holding him back, I felt angrier at myself for not being able to change anything.
We both wanted each other, that part was obvious.
My brother had always gotten in the way of any of my past relationships. He always claimed that he was protecting me from my terrible choices. Now to torture me even more after his death, he sent an irresistible guy in my direction. Owen should have known what would happen.
Why would he set us to meet if he didn’t want me to fall for the guy?
With the way the air felt between us, I didn’t make many stops on the drive to the next state. While Blaise looked sick to his stomach, I felt my heart ache in my chest.
Maybe if I was straight with him and outright confessed all about my feelings, things could be a little different. But after showing him a side of me in that hotel and having him turn me away the morning after, I wasn’t so sure I was ready for that to happen again if he decided he didn’t want to accept said confession.
“I’m sorry if I ruined the trip,” I offered as we sailed down the highway. “If it makes things easier, we can pretend nothing happened.”
While that might have been a complete lie, I wished I could have Blaise back. The version that didn’t look haunted after our talk in the diner. The version of him that still picked fights with me as a form of entertainment on both of our parts.
“It’s fine,” he mumbled. His arm rested against the door and his hand shaded his face from the sun. Looking like he aged a few years, I decided to call it a day with all of the traveling. After everything that happened, I was ready for the day to end.
We ended up finding a motel to stay for the night. Blaise was the one to get the room this time. When he got the keys, he led the way. A single room with two beds. The space between the mattresses looked never-ending.
Obviously, he didn’t want history to repeat. I heard him loud and clear. He should have gotten two separate rooms. At least that way, I could experience the pain in my chest without having him near.
Abandoning my luggage near a bed, I wasted no time claiming the one as mine. Curling up on the mattress, I didn’t even bother taking off my shoes. My body felt heavy. Maybe it was the reopened wound of my brother that made me feel so tired.
The mattress next to mine creaked under Blaise’s weight. While he sat on the mattress, his attention remained in front of him. He wore such a saddened expression while looking equally exhausted. One look at him made my heart ache. I wasn’t the only one in pain. Knowing how awful it felt to experience that all alone, Blaise was the last person I’d want to feel such sorrow.
Watching him, I hated myself for not being able to do anything. Rather than not being able, I hadn’t really tried anything. While we both neededsomething, neither of us tried to figure out what that was. I could change that.
Pulling myself up, I moved to my feet. Approaching him cautiously, I moved to his mattress. Blaise hardly reacted, hardly acknowledged my intrusion. He didn’t stop me as I moved toward him.
The moment I swung my leg around him and made myself comfortable, I slid my arms around his head. I pulled him close against my chest. Blaise might be good at hiding his feelings on a normal day, but not today. My giant guardian angel was broken and I craved to help put him back together.
“It wasn’t your fault,” I whispered softly. I said it at the diner and I’d say it over and over again until he’d finally realize the truth. My stomach warmed with each uneven breath of his. Rather than push me away, his thick arms wrapped around my hips and kept me right where I was.
“You don’t know that,” he muffled into my shirt.
I did, actually. Back when I had to sit down and be told such awful news, I had so many questions. The first one that came to mind was if Owen died alone. If he had, my heart would have been torn into pieces. Shattered and unfixable.
That was when they told me about Blaise Anderson. The man who stayed at his side even after sustaining a deadly injury himself. The same man who attended my brother’s funeral in a wheelchair. The only angry person there, mad at the world and everything that had happened.
Angry at a lot of things, I was sure. Mostly at the explosive device they stepped on while walking. All while having some random conversation about who knows what. For being vulnerable at such terrible times. For being human.
“It could have happened to anyone,” I promised him as I ran my hand through his thick hair. Tilting his head back, I looked into his dark eyes. I’d never seen such emotion from a cut-off man. “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself. Do you really think he would have sent you to meet me if he felt any malice? He trusted you enough to watch over me.”
The snort he gave was weak. “He always talked about how much of a handful you can be at times, almost like he was warning me in case we ever had the chance to meet. Owen was holding back on me, I think. You’re a spitfire with too much energy. Some days, it feels impossible to keep up with you.”
Adjusting my body, I moved so I could sit comfortably on his lap. The position felt much better as I hugged him.
“I’ll slow down, I promise.” With his arms wrapped around me keeping me close, I swore I could stay like this for an eternity. Resting my cheek against his collarbone, I let out a soft sigh. “But, I need you to make a promise.”
“What is it?” he asked as his chest vibrated with each word.
“You’ve got to drop the bodyguard and babysitting act. While I don’t mind all of the attention, I think you’d fit the boyfriend role much better,” I teased with a growing smile.
When his chest vibrated this time, it was more from his chuckling. When I saw a hint of a bemused smile, I thought I might’ve been hallucinating. Blaise never smiled. How many times did I need to fall for the man before I grew tired? Without a doubt, the answer was never.
While we were at an understanding now, I hoped he’d never hold back on me ever again. No matter for who’s sake, I wanted to be only his. Though it might take some more time, I knew the time would come. I just needed to be patient.
