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Yesterday felt like a dream. Some sort of fantasy I thought about more than I cared to admit out loud. What Ana did… I wouldn’t be able to forget. I didn’t want to. She looked at me like I was a normal person. Like she felt attracted to the ugly, scarred-up sonofabitch I was.
What an actual bastard I had to be for letting it happen in the first place. I crossed the line I set out the moment I came to keep my promise. The moment I realized I’d be protecting a gorgeous woman like herself.
She laid next to me, curled up at my side like she was made for the spot. Ana deserved the bed, no doubt about that. I shouldn’t have slept there. As soon as we stepped inside of the room, I should have tossed a pillow on the floor and called it a night. I’d lasted on a lumpy couch for a year, the floor couldn’t have been worse.
Watching her sleep so peacefully, a battle went on in my mind. Knowing damn well I shouldn’t, I couldn’t help but reach over. A few strands of hair lingered on her forehead. Lightly brushing them away, I took in her flawless appearance.
Ana was too perfect to have to get stuck with someone like me. The reality of our situation was enough to make me pull away and bring a sigh to my lips. Why did I feel so miserable?
I should have made some space between the both of us at all times. Maybe then, it wouldn’t feel like I betrayed Owen’s trust as soon as I caved. He asked one thing of me, and so far, I managed to do it without too much trouble. One night alone with her and look what happened.
If my best friend was alive and he found out, I’d be cradling a broken nose at best. Fuck. It wasn’t fair. Having the woman of my dreams pressed up against me while looking so peaceful, I should have felt happy.
Instead, I felt like a piece of shit who took advantage of a situation. Maybe she thought she needed to do it. Return some unspoken favor. That idea made me want to vomit.
Carefully moving while trying not to wake her, I twisted around and grabbed my leg. I needed to get ready. A shower would pull me out of the haze last night caused. Knowing Ana, she’d want to get back out on the road as soon as possible anyway.
What a bad time to be trapped alone with her.
Abandoning the bed, I grabbed what I needed from my luggage and slipped away into the bathroom. A cold shower was all I needed to numb the ache in my chest. Maybe the distance could help a little as well. If I got close to her again, I didn’t think I’d have the strength to pull away.
When I came out, I didn’t feel much better. Ana was awake, already dressed for the day. When she saw me, her face perked up. With a lingering gaze, she moved from her seat on the bed and made a few steps in my direction.
“I’m starved. Got any ideas of what sounds good for breakfast?” she asked as she reached out to grab my hand.
Before she could, I took a step away. Needing to be strong, I knew I couldn’t touch her. Too tempting, I wouldn’t risk it. Shrugging her question off, I moved to prepare my luggage. My hands needed to stay busy.
“Pick whatever you want, I don’t care. Not too hungry.” Not for food.
“Oh.” I didn’t need to look at her to hear the hurt in her voice. “Um, alright. I was thinking pancakes sounded pretty good. Let me find my phone, I’m sure there is something nearby.”
The layer of silence between us was deafening. Wanting to look at her and even seek forgiveness, I kept my jaw set. I couldn’t go apologizing.
Once we were ready to go, we checked out and returned to her car. Getting inside, Ana fumbled with her phone. With her brows narrowed and her lips curved down, she continued not saying a word. I guess I couldn’t expect her to act normal. Not while I pretended last night never happened.
I wasn’t sure how long I would survive the drive in silence.
We eventually stopped at some diner. With some cars occupying some spots, we parked near the front and got out. I secretly hoped the sweet taste of breakfast would do the trick for her. I may not have deserved it, but I wanted to see her smile again.
After being seated and our order taken, we were left to ourselves. Sitting in the corner of the diner, hardly anyone bothered us. Relaxing, I slumped against the seat. I did not have long to get comfortable before she had me stiffening up once more.
“Was last night bad?” she asked, her face scrunched up. “I know I’ve never done it before, but I don’t think I did that bad. I mean, the noises you are making–”
I was not normally a man to easily get embarrassed, but hearing her ask outright made heat trickle up my neck at the possible chance of someone hearing.
“Ana, stop,” I ordered in a hushed voice. “We can talk about this later.” I didn’t even care if she wanted to bring it up in the car, just not here. Not in public.
She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me. I’d seen the same expression many times before. It was the same look she gave me each time she tried to do something and I shot her down. With the courage she got the topic of the road trip, I dreaded knowing where this conversation was going to go.
“No, I don’t think we will. I want to know what I did wrong right now.” Keeping her chin held high, the look she gave me was challenging. Like she knew some kind of weakness of mine. Well, she was just acting like a brat.
After all this time, I should have been used to it. Should have been able to easily prepare an answer. Instead, I sighed deeply into my hand.
“You did not do anything wrong. It was all me,” I confessed in a soft whisper. “I shouldn’t have let it happen.” My answer did not satisfy her in the slightest.
“Why not?” she asked in a huff before looking away with her shoulders drooping. “Did you regret it? Or was it because I was the one who did it?”
