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‘Holy macaroni!’ shouted Roxy. ‘Like I said in the corridor this morning, your body isbanging, Soph! I mean, look at those boobs! Women pay thousands to get knockers like those and yours areau naturel.’
Oh?That wasn’t the reaction I was expecting.
‘Only temporarily, though… it’s the milk that’s made them bigger.’
‘Whatever—embrace and enjoy it for however long it lasts. I would. And, yeah, you’ve got a few stretch marks, but so what? You carried a baby for God’s sake.’
‘I still have them, just likemillionsof women over the world. That sounds pretty normal to me!’ said Bella. ‘They’re like badges of honour for the life you created. Is that one of the reasons you’re afraid to sleep with Lorenzo again, because you’re worried about how you look?’
‘Yeah.’ I hung my head. ‘It’s not a vanity thing. I’ve lost my confidence. It’s not because I’m comparing myself to others or those glossy celeb mums that miraculouslybounce backinto shape days after giving birth. I know that’s not real. I just think about how I used to look and how I look now and feel like I’m falling short. Until I got pregnant, I had a decent figure. I used to be happy with what I saw in the mirror. Well, more or less. But not anymore. I feel like I should be doing better. And I know you’re going to condemn me for saying this Roxy because it sounds weak and isn’t very feminist, but I also worry that Lorenzo won’t fancy me anymore...’
‘Too right! But not because it sounds weak, but because it’s a load of bull! Like I said before, in the beginning I was sceptical about Lorenzo. I thought he was a player who would screw any woman with a pulse. But evenIcan see he’s crazy about you. I mean, you haven’t had any nookie for half a century and hestilllooks at you like you’re the most amazing woman to have walked the earth.’
‘He really does,’ said Bella.
‘Lorenzo doesn’t care how you look. You wear leggings and a T-shirt which is probably covered in Leo’s puke all day, but hestillgets a boner when he snuggles up to you in bed. Nowthat’slove. And he watched you give birth. I heard a bloke say that seeing his kid come out of his wife’s vag was like watching his favourite pub burn down. But Lorenzo’s not like that. I reckon he wouldn’t care if you put on ten stone and had the gut the size of a grizzly bear. So stop worrying, darling, and start loving yourself again so you can jump the poor guy’s bones before he implodes!’
Classic Roxy.Her heart was in the right place even if she had aninterestingway of expressing herself.
I guess if I thought about it, even though Lorenzo hadn’t actuallyseenme naked in a while, when he wrapped his arms around me every night, he would havefeltthe new flabby bits and changes in my body shape. And yet he never flinched or showed any signs of disgust, so I should give him more credit.
I walked over to the mirror and put my hands on my hips. My boobswerepretty impressive. Very full and—what’s the word?Voluptuous. Lorenzo used to have the time of his life playing with these when I was pregnant and I’m sure he’d love to get his hands on them again. And they looked pretty great in my dress last night…
My stomach and thighs were bigger, but still in proportion I supposed. There was no getting around the stretch marks and I’d be lying if I said I liked them, but what would I rather? Keeping my old, smooth stomach, or having Leo? There was no question. He was worth every line on my belly and more. I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
As for my cellulite, it wasn’t like I didn’t have any before Leo. I’d had it since my twenties, it was just more noticeable now. I remember being shocked the first time I ever saw it, but then I just got used to it. Those dimples on my bum and thighs became normal. Maybe that was the point.
I was feeling bad about myself because I was trying to look the way Iused to. But I wasn’t that person anymore. So instead of trying to be the old Sophia, killing myself with exercising every day and cutting out things I loved, like cake and pasta, completely, I just had to try a more balanced approach. Stay healthy and fit, yes, but at the same time accept that the body I had now wasn’t bad, wrong or ugly. It was just a new version of myself. My new normal.
‘Thank you.’ I hugged them both. ‘I know everything you said is true, but maybe I just needed to hear it out loud. From someone else.’
‘Yeah. Sometimes it helps,’ said Bella. ‘I mean, don’t get me wrong. Weallhave our insecurities and our down days, but we were worried that you were on the verge of self-loathing, which isn’t okay.’
‘No, it’s not. I’m going to try. To get back my old confidence. Start loving my body again.’
‘Oh yeah!’ Roxy’s eyes widened. ‘Speaking of which, I’ve bought you a present to help you do exactly that.’
‘A present?’ I frowned. ‘It’s not my birthday. First you guys surprise me by turning up yesterday, then you surprise me again this morning by coming to my door practically naked, and now you’ve got me a gift? I’m feeling very blessed right now.’ I was excited to find out what it was.
Roxy reached down on the floor and put her hand in her dressing gown pocket, then pulled out a little pink box.
‘Here you go…’ She grinned. I untied the ribbon and lifted off the lid.
‘Oh… a travel-sized vibrator. Just what I’ve always wanted… Erm,thank you, Roxy!’ Whilst I was grateful, that wasn’t what I was expecting. Then again, this was Roxy. I gave her a hug. ‘Honestly, you do make me laugh. You’ve been in Italy for twenty-four hours and spent most of that time with us. How did you manage to find a sex shop?’
‘Duh!Google. I went yesterday after we finished lunch.It was an emergency shopping trip. God knows when I’ll see you again, and I couldn’t trust you to buy one. They probably don’t even sell them in that poxy little village of yours. You need to learn to appreciate yourself again, my friend. That includes rediscovering your body and giving it lots ofself-love. I picked this one out especially. It’s nice and compact. Small enough to carry around in your pocket or your purse.’
‘Yes, I can see…’ I took it out of the box and held the bright pink toy in my hand.
‘It’ll be good for you, Soph. Help you release some stress. It’s ideal for the busy mum. Extra powerful, so it can get you off in seconds, which means evenyouwill be able to find the time to use it every day.’
Every day? Chance would be a fine thing.
‘I don’t know about that…’
‘Of course you can! You’ve got to brush your teeth, right? So whilst you’re doing that in the morning, you can use your other hand to give yourself a quick thrill. Start your day with a bang! Or, if you’re waiting for the pasta to boil at lunchtime and are feeling saucy, you can do it in the kitchen. Just make sure you wash your hands afterwards!’ Roxy cackled.
‘Oh my God. Only you, Rox.Only you. Great sales pitch, though. I can see why you’re good at your job… anyway, enough about me andmysex life. Let’s talk aboutyours. What happened with you and Geli last night?’
