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‘Six months isn’t actually that long.’ Bella rested her hand on my shoulder reassuringly.
‘Er, it’s half a year. I thought your MARGIN days were over, Soph, but yet here we are again.Talk about déjà vu!’
Tell me about it.
‘I already feel bad enough about my lack of libido, Roxy, I don’t need you sex-shaming me.’ This was exactly why I never told them the truth about how things were going whenever we messaged.
‘Sorry, darling. I’m just a bit shocked, that’s all. Mainly because of the way you guys were. When you got together you were always at it like rabbits. Like that time you went AWOL for days and didn’t even message us. And although I wasn’t a fan of Lorenzo when you first hooked up, he’s proved himself to be a pretty good bf and baby daddy.So far anyway. Still early days… And he hasn’t let himself go like some blokes do. He’s still fit, so I just don’t get it?’
‘That makes two of us.’
‘Don’t you fancy him anymore?’
‘I do. I really do. It’s just… I don’t know. Everything’s stopped working down there.’
‘Have youtried, Soph?’ asked Bella.
‘God, no! I’m too scared.’
‘Scared of what?’ Bella put her hand on mine.
‘Of the pain, bleeding… swallowing him whole. I mean Lorenzo’s a big boy, but Leo was almost nine pounds. And after pushing him out, my vagina must be the size of a moon crater. If we have sex, Lorenzo might disappear inside me. Never to be seen again!’
Roxy bent over with laughter.
‘Come on, Soph!’ said Bella. ‘You know full well it springs back to shape and size after a few weeks. Well,more or less. Either way, there’s no danger of that.’
‘But how does it feel to you, though?’ asked Roxy. ‘Does it feel all big and saggy—you know, when you touch yourself?’
‘You’vegotto be joking. I haven’t done that.’ I winced. Just the thought of it made me want to break out into a cold sweat.
‘What?!’ Roxy shouted again.
God, it really wasn’t a good idea to have this conversation in a public place.
‘So not only have you not had any nookie, you haven’t even taken yourself to pleasure world either?Good grief.At least when Rich wasn’t giving you any, you were getting some from your Rampant Rabbit.Oh, Soph. This isn’t sounding goodat all. Why aren’t you doing any DIY?’
‘I told you, Rox. I just haven’t felt the urge.’
‘It’s important to make time for sex, though. It’s a basic need. A critical part of a decent relationship.’
‘When I had Paul, I didn’t feel like it for ages either,’ said Bella. ‘So you’re not alone. After going through childbirth and then adjusting to being a mum, sex is the last thing you’re thinking about. But once I stopped breastfeeding and we started to try a bit more often, the desire started to come back.’
‘Yeah, I’ve heard breastfeeding affects it. We’re starting Leo on solids next week, so hopefully that’ll help. He’s already been having formula, which was handy for this weekend—I just gave Marta a tub to use. Should make life easier all round.’
‘Sounds like a good plan. I put Paul on formula after a couple of months. I found breastfeeding too painful.’
‘Tell me about it.’
‘I have to say, you guys sound crazy,’ said Roxy. ‘Both your kids are cute and all that, but honestly, I don’t get it. You carry the baby around for nine months, which must besouncomfortable. Then you have to go through the agony of childbirth, when the baby comes and rips your hoo-ha to pieces. After that, you spend your days and nights wiping up their sick and cleaning their arse. You have to force yourself to function with almost zero sleep, and then on top of that, you lose your libido and can’t have sex for years. Tell me: why did you want to have kids again?’
When she put it like that, it sounded like a good question. But, no. I was glad I’d had Leo.
‘Because it’s one of the best and most rewarding things in the world,’ said Bella.
‘Yeah, it’s hard work and exhausting, but when I’ve got Leo in my arms staring back at me, when he smiles or lets out a little laugh, it melts my heart. And when I see how much joy he brings to Lorenzo too, it just makes everything worthwhile.’ I smiled, picturing the two of them together.
‘If you say so, ladies,’ scoffed Roxy. ‘I’ll have to take your word for it…’
