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Chapter Fourteen
‘Right,’ said Angelica as she took a sip of her wine. ‘Now for the things you have been excited to learn!’
‘Grammar?’ replied Daphne.
‘No…’ Angelica rolled her eyes. ‘Parolacce. Swear words.’
‘Is thatreallynecessary?’ sighed Daphne.
‘Sì. Remember, these lessons are about real life. And in real life, people get angry and sometimes they swear.A lot. You need to know if locals are saying bad things about you.’
‘Sometimes ignorance is bliss…,’ said Daphne.
Exactly what I’d thought before. Was this woman reading my mind or something? Unlike Daphne, I wasn’t too fussed about learning grammar today (and, no, it didn’t have anything to do with the fact that my textbooks had arrived. Honest…). This time I agreed with Angelica. I swore in English, so if I was learning Italian, it was important to know some rude lingo. That way if someone pissed me off, I’d be able to express myself,authentically…
I’d arrived at the lesson nice and early this evening. And thankfully I hadn’t had to face Marta. Lorenzo said it was quiet at the restaurant, so he’d popped home just before five-thirty and did the handover with Mamma whilst I hid—I mean,got ready—in the bathroom and then he went back to work. He said he’d come home around nine too, which meant I should also be able to avoid Marta after the lesson.
I suspected it wasn’t really that quiet at the restaurant but that Lorenzo had made an effort to come home to spare my blushes because he knew I was still embarrassed about seeing Marta.So thoughtful. I knew I’d have to face her again eventually, but I wasn’t in any hurry…
‘How many of you want to learn cuss words?’ asked Angelica.
Holly and I both raised our hands enthusiastically. ‘That’s what I thought. It is normally the first thing that students want to know. I am afraid, Daphne, that you are the exception.’
Daphne crossed her arms like a sulking teenager.
First Angelica went through the many ways to call someone an idiot, which I was sure I’d been called several times by some people in this town. Then she gave us vocab for expressing our disappointment.
‘If you are upset about something and want to saydamnorwhat the hell?, you sayche cavolo.’
Holly giggled. ‘Cavolo?Isn’t that the word for cauliflower? No, I mean cabbage?’
‘Sì! Bene. You are correct. The literal translation is:what cabbage!In fact, this is not a very rude word, so could be good for you, Daphne, as it will not offend. Another gentle word ische palle—which meanswhat the heck. But, if you need something stronger, you can sayporca miseria!’
That would certainly come in handy. I imagined myself waving my hands in the air and saying it like a real Italian.
‘What about if you want to tell someone to sod off?’ asked Holly.
‘Ah. There are many ways. Daphne, cover your ears:vaffanculois the strongest. It means to go and fuck yourself.’
‘Oooh! Okay!’ Holly typed the phrase in her iPhone. ‘Think I’ll be using that one a lot…’ Her voice trailed off.
After Angelica reeled off enough rude words to fill a small dictionary, she then taught us different phrases to express our feelings.
‘In traditional language lessons, normally you learn robot responses. If someone asks you how you are, they teach you how to saygood,fine,okayor justbad. This is acceptable for the stranger in the street who you do not want to know about your life. But you are not a machine. If you are communicating with your friends or your lover, you need to be able to talk about how you arereallyfeeling. To say that you are exhausted because the baby was crying all night.’ Angelica smiled at me. ‘To say I hate my job and my boss is getting on my nerves.’ She turned to Holly. ‘So this is what we will study now…’
Once again time went quickly. I was starting to get into these lessons. And Angelica was right. Although I still believed in the value of textbooks, you’d never get to learn this sort of stuff just using those.
‘Goodbye, Sophia, Holly, Angelica,’ said Daphne formally as she walked out the door. I wasn’t sure that we’d be seeing her again. She’d spent most of the lesson cringing.
‘Bye!’ I replied. ‘And see you next week, Holly.’
‘Can’t wait!’ Holly squealed. ‘Actually, we shouldtotallyconnect in between lessons. What’s your Insta?’
‘Um, I don’t really have a personal Instagram account…’Theseyoungsters. Always on social media.Gosh.I sounded like a dinosaur. ‘How about we message on WhatsApp instead?’
‘Cool! What’s your number?’
I read it out to her. It would be great to finally have someone local to chat to, and especially an English speaker too. But then it dawned on me that I probably wouldn’t get time to respond to lots of texts. It was already hard enough keeping in touch with Bella and Roxy. What I’dreallylike, though, would be to have a friend to meet for coffee. To get me out of the house. I know that I was supposed to be making friends with an Italian to improve my language skills, so meeting Holly was kind of cheating, but maybe we could also study together?
