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Chapter Eleven
Yes.
That could work…
I was on the sofa with my iPad, trawling the internet for tips on how to help me address goal number four: sorting out my sex life.
I should really be using Leo’s afternoon naptime to get some rest myself because I was knackered. But, my relationship was also important, so Ihadto make time to do this research.
After reading only a handful of articles, I started to feel a bit better. I was not alone. Although there were stories of women having sex again after a few weeks (how they even had the energy, never mind managing to do it after everything that happeneddown there, was beyond me), there were also examples of women who waited months and some even a year or more before bedroom business resumed.
And like me, lots of women still fancied their partners, but just didn’t havethe urge. Whilst I’d guessed it was down to hormones, I hadn’t realised that breastfeeding also caused you to lose your libido. Did that mean I had to stop doing it if I wanted to get my sex life back on track? As painful as it could be at times, I’d said that I was going to try and continue for at least six months. Until Leo could start eating solids. Although I could give him formula instead and he’d be fine, I wanted to see if there was another way to ease myself back into the game.
I kept on reading. But then it started to get depressing. There were various horror stories from mums about the first time post-partum. I crossed my legs tightly as I skimmed the study that said one in five women continued to have painful sex up to a year and a half after giving birth.Yikes. Then there was talk of bleeding, dryness... If I read any more of this, I’d never do it again.
I clicked back to the search page, then stumbled upon an article that seemed more up my street. It was all about warming up to sex againwithouthaving intercourse. It talked about trying massage, oral sex or mutual masturbation. One mum who’d been interviewed said she had eased her way back into being intimate with her husband by setting asidesexy time. She’d planned a date night and got a babysitter so they could be more relaxed. That would definitely be needed as rather than fretting about Leo waking up, I could lie back and rest for ten minutes.Oops. I meant I could lie back and enjoy Lorenzo’s hands all over me.Yes, of course. I was sure that would be nice too.
Oh God. This was worse than I thought. The objective of Lorenzo massaging me was to relight my fire, not to use the opportunity to have a nap. I needed to get back my desire and fast. Before it disappeared permanently.
Time to message Lorenzo to find out when he’d be free, before I lost my nerve.
Tonight was the night. Lorenzo would be home soon. Because the restaurant owners knew how lucky they were to have a chef of his calibre working for them, as well as Sundays and either a Monday or Tuesday off, Lorenzo had also negotiated at least one evening off during the week. That meant he could help out more with Leo and on nights like tonight, he was able to come home early so we could spend some quality time together…
Marta would be arriving in ten minutes to pick up Leo and it had been a rush to get everything ready for her. It was the first time he was going to be away from home without me, so I wasn’t used to packing an overnight bag.
There were dozens of things to remember and prepare. I’d expressed enough milk to last until he was back in the morning, so those bottles were chilling in the fridge. Then there were the nappies, his blanket, his favourite cuddly toy, change of clothes, bubble bath, creams… I’d tried to think of everything.
I’d also attempted to prepare the house to make it more romantic. The mum in that article online recommended doing things outside of the bedroom to help spice things up a bit, which was a great idea. When Lorenzo and I were reunited in London after we’d first met months earlier in Italy, we’d had sex all over his flat. On the kitchen counter, in the shower, against the wall, on the floor…those were the days. So tonight, whilst I wasn’t ready to bethatadventurous, I thought we could at least have our massages on the sofa rather than on the bed.
I found some oil I’d used to help with my stretch marks, which, as far as I could tell, wasn’t making a blind bit of difference but smelt quite nice, so that should do the trick. Once Leo and Marta left, I’d light some candles to try and set the mood, then when Lorenzo came home in half an hour, we could take a shower together and head back to the living room.
Sounded like a plan.
But first, coffee. I wouldn’t normally drink it so late, but I needed to be as alert as possible if I was going to get through tonight…
‘Ciao, bella,’ said Lorenzo as he stepped through the door. He looked exhausted too, but his smile still lit up the room.
‘Ciao, handsome.’ I kissed him on the lips. ‘How was your day?’
‘Tiring. Everything okay with Leo and Mamma?’
‘Yes, all fine.’ Luckily she seemed to be in a hurry and had even arrived ten minutes early, so I’d literally put Leo in the pram, quickly given her his overnight bag and off they went.
‘Bene. Thank you for trusting her with Leo. I know it is difficult for you to let him go, but Mamma is very happy to spend more time with him.’
I’m doing it for us, I said to myself. For the sake of our relationship, so it wasn’t all for Marta’s benefit.
‘So…’ He wrapped his arms around me. ‘We have the night to ourselves. What would you like to do? Have you eaten? You want me to cook for you?’
‘Thanks, but you’ve been cooking all day! I thought maybe we could take a shower together and then…and then…’ It was important to manage his expectations. I didn’t want to get his hopes up and make him think that full nookie was on offer. But at the same time, I wanted to get him in the mood forsomethingat least. ‘And then maybe we can just relax, y’know. Chill on the sofa with a glass of Prosecco…’
I’d checked with my doctor back in London, and having alcohol occasionally was fine as long as I didn’t breastfeed for a few hours afterwards. And seeing as Marta wouldn’t be back until tomorrow morning, I had a clear pass for the night.
‘Mmm, sounds good.’ He smiled. ‘Let’s go…’
‘Great! I’ll be there in a sec.’
I quickly lit the candles, as I’d forgotten to do it earlier (my memory was like a sieve these days), then headed to the bathroom. Lorenzo had already stripped off and was about to step into the shower.
