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Lilah dropped her head down, pressing her forehead against his chest. “I have no clue what I should say now.”
He nodded, his hope refusing to burn out. “What do you want?” He ran his hands over her back, consoling her through her pajamas. “Don’t think about how to get it and how we’ll make it work. Just start with what you want and we’ll work backwards.”
“I want …” A frown tugged at her lips. “I want you to be happy. I want you to be able to live your life. Without media. Without security. Without a mile-long list of official appointments. I want you to be able to go to little cabins in the woods any time the spirit moves you. I want you to be able to fish and exist without intrusion.”
“This is what you want for me,” he admonished gently. “And I can tell you that none of that matters a bit if it also means I can’t have you.”
She dismissed the assertion easily. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You cannot possibly imagine what life is like in my world.”
“I have seen how you live. And it doesn’t scare me. Nothing scares me except the idea of walking out that door again.” He put an arm around her waist, drawing her back to the sofa to sit beside him. “I have walked away from you. You have walked away from me. And yet here we are, madly in love and desperate to be together. Right?”
She swallowed. Was there any sense in denying it? “Will? That day we left the forest … I was desperate then to tell you how I felt. But I hoped that by denying my feelings you would move on faster.”
“I can’t move on from you,” he said gently. “And I don’t want to. I know what it is to take this leap of faith. I loved my wife, Lilah. And I lost her. For years I thought I would never know love nor happiness again. Meeting you has brought me back to life. You have lifted my soul. The only way I will ever let you go is if you promise me, honestly, that you will be happier without me. That you truly don’t want me in your life.”
Lilah stared at his handsome face and felt all the tiny pieces of her soul click into place like magnets in a tin. “I am miserable without you,” she admitted shakily. “Miserable.” And now she talked freely, aware she had already crossed past any threshold of common sense. “I spoke to Kiral. Not about you.” Her cheeks flushed. “But about my life. He was very good. He understood what I was saying. He was the one who suggested I come and spend some time in New York.”
“He did, huh?”
“So I’m here. Exploring. Existing. But the problem is, I’m still miserable. Because you’re not with me.”
He laughed. “Well, I’m here now.”
She nodded. “I don’t know how to tell him about you. About us.”
Will pulled a face. “Lilah, I have a confession.”
She stared at him, waiting for him to continue.
“I spoke to your brother.”
Lilah jerked away, her eyes enormous in her pretty face. “You … when? What do you mean?”
His expression was unusually contrite and despite her anxiety it made her ache to reach out and hold him close. “After you left tonight.”
“Will.” Her heart was racing and her blood was burning her body. Her whole face was flushed. “Why? What did you say?”
“I told him everything.”
“Everything?” She demanded.
“Well, not everything.” He laughed self-consciously. “If you had been happy, I wouldn’t have done it. But seeing you as devastated as I am … I had to do it.”
“I can’t believe it. Will, you had no right …”
“Didn’t I?”
“What exactly did you tell him?” She turned to face him more fully.
“I told him that I fell in love with you that night we met. That I thought you felt the same way. And that, with his permission, I wanted to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me.”
“Oh no.” She dipped her head forward. A fever ran through her blood. Panic assailed her. She was so beset by emotions that she barely registered the suggestion of marriage. “Was he furious?”
Will chose his words carefully. “He was surprised. I think he was a little hurt that we had kept it from him. And yes, initially perhaps he was angry too.”
“He was?”
“At me. Not you.” He stroked her cheek. “I’m older, honey, and I’ve been around. I suspect he was worried I took advantage of you.”
