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I liked Grace’s spunk and willingness to not take any bullshit from me or my brothers. When she threw her champagne on me, I was amused, until I realized she thought I was fucking with her. Did she really not know how beautiful she was? Perhaps after all was said and done, my fucking her in my brother’s club would prove to her that she was sexy and desirable.
I stripped down tossing my clothes in the dry-clean pile, not caring whether or not the cleaners would be able to get the champagne out. I stepped into the shower and washed off the champagne, wishing Grace had licked it off my body. My dick liked that idea too, but I ignored him. There was no way masturbation would meet the pleasure factor fucking her for real had, so there was no sense in indulging it.
I climbed into bed, feeling tired, but not agitated for once. It would have been nice to make it through the night without a bad dream, but I woke in the early morning from the scene of everyone chanting I was a murderer while I was falling in the pit.
Only, Grace was saying something else. “Let go, Hunter.”
I wasn’t falling anymore. Instead, I was clinging to a rope. “Let it go, Hunter,” she said again.
The rope was my lifeline. Why did she want me to let it go?
14
Grace
Friday / Monday
How was it possible to feel so good and so guilty at the same time, I thought as I showered and got ready for bed. The whole evening was a joy, except for that one moment I thought Hunter was making fun of me and I tossed my drink into his face. And the part where I tried to walk away. That was the right choice, but I shouldn’t have bolted like that. I should have told him to his face I couldn’t stay.
I blamed the alcohol and Hunter’s potency on my inability to do that when he brought me to the little room in the club. Because the reality was, I couldn’t resist him at all. Not one bit. When he kissed me and touched me, God, that was so good. I’d always wondered why some people made a big deal out of sex. Now I knew. It was amazing. Even the little bit of pain when he first entered me couldn’t stop the pleasure of it.
What was really intriguing was how gentle and caring Hunter had been when he realized that it was my first time. While a part of me had suspected there was a softer side to him, I’d never seen it. Maybe in little glimpses, like how he had our meeting space decorated. Or learning about the not-so-secret bodyguard duty he kept over Sara. Tonight, he lavished it on me, and it was so lovely to see the softness of his face, the warmth and concern in his eyes, and even the gentle kiss he’d given me on the forehead when he dropped me off. He made every fairy tale fantasy I’d ever had rise to the surface with yearning.
Of course, fairy tales weren’t real. I certainly wasn’t going to be the recipient of one. I’d broken the code of ethics in my work. Guilt and shame flooded my body. I was better than that. Hunter was a big, strong man, but he was vulnerable emotionally. Sleeping with him compromised my ability to stay objective and could create additional stress on him. I had no idea what he was thinking now. Most of his sexual encounters were one-night stands. Was that how he saw what we did? In some ways that would be best, although the idea of it enraged me. I would hate it if I’d let him treat me like his other women. See, compromised.
Of course, if he wanted to see me again socially, that wasn’t good either. That wasn’t the relationship we needed for him to heal. And that was why I needed to put a stop to it, I thought as I put on my pajamas and climbed into bed. I hoped he understood and took it well. Chances were, he’d be relieved. Maybe alcohol had gotten the best of him too, and now he was wondering why he told me I was so beautiful. I wondered if he felt guilty at taking my virginity. No, not take. I gave it to him willingly. If he had issues with that, I’d at least let him know that I’d wanted him despite my inexperience.
Over the weekend, my emotions continued their tug of war, feeling so wonderful at the memories of what his touch did to me and guilt at letting him do it and risking my career, and even worse, his healing. On Monday, when I walked into our session, I was prepared to do what was right.
