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Alicia rocked her and shushed her and said soothing things but the Princess couldn’t stop the sobbing, the choking, the inability to breathe.
“My chest hurts. So much.”
“I know, I know Ma’am, it will be ok. The doctor will be here soon.”
A firm knock at the door.
“Come in,” shouted Alicia.
The doctor was smart in a suit, despite the late hour. He was the Swedish Palace Doctor, but his English was impeccable.
“She’s panicking, she can’t breathe. She keeps choking.”Alicia said.
Alexandra sobbed more.
“Has something serious happened?” asked the doctor. “Has she received bad news.”
“I have no idea,” said Alicia. “She was like this when I got here.”
“Ma’am, I’m Sven Erikson. I am the Doctor. May I touch your wrist to take your pulse?”
Alexandra nodded consent and Erikson held her delicate wrist as he counted the beats.
“Ma’am, there is nothing on your medical history to indicate anything sinister is going on here.”
“Did you receive some bad news?”
Alexandra nodded again between gasping.
“Okay, Ma’am, I want you to look at me, focus on me. This is a panic attack you are having in response to trauma. I need you to sit up, try and focus.”
Al
icia helped her into a sitting position.
“That is good,” the doctor said calmly. “Now I need you to focus on me and focus on deep breaths. You need to realise that this is a panic attack and stay calm. Breathe with me. In… 1 second and 2 seconds. Out 1 second and 2 seconds. Good.”
Within minutes the doctor helped Alexandra regain control of her breathing, but the tears wouldn’t stop rolling from her deep blue eyes.
“My heart, is my heart ok? It hurts so much.”
“Ma’am, sometimes we feel mental pain in a physical manner. It is quite common for a panic attack to feel like a heart attack. You’ve never had panic attacks before?”
She shook her head.
“Something has clearly upset you badly. You will be ok though. Just focus on breathing deeply and calmly if you start to lose control of breathing again.”
“Can you stay with her tonight?” he looked to Alicia. “Ma’am, you shouldn’t be alone tonight.”
“Of course.” Alicia nodded. “I’ll look after her.” Alicia remembered her own broken hearts over the years, and those of her best friends. Sometimes, when it was bad like this, you just needed someone to care for you and help you through it.
The doctor left and Alicia sat up through the night. Alexandra lay across her lap on the sofa and Alicia stroked her hair and reassured her as she sobbed. The tears began to run dry eventually but Alexandra continued to whimper and yelp in pain.
Alexandra had never felt true heartbreak before and had never known pain like it.
Erin, I can’t breathe without you.
21
