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The next morning Alicia helped Alexandra shower and dress ready for the flight back to London.
The official story was that Alexandra had suffered a migraine last night. She didn’t want to speak with anyone today and Alicia would protect her from that and sit next to her on the flight. Alexandra was glad of dark glasses that Alicia lent her to cover her red raw eyes and hide further tears. She closed her eyes when she saw Erin in passing and headed straight to the back seat of the Range Rover clinging to Alicia as they both climbed into the back seat.
The flight was similar. Alexandra sat with Alicia and closed her eyes. Back in London, back to the palace, Alexandra was numb and mute and so grateful to Alicia who fended off everyone for her.
She stayed in her room for days and had all her engagements cancelled for her. The British Royal Family doctor was called for her repeatedly and couldn’t find anything physically wrong with her and said she just needed time.
Alexandra never took time off and was never sick, so the palace gave her the space she requested.
Erin meanwhile, spent so much time alone in her room. Imagining Alexandra in her own room, no idea what this time off was really about. She had heard about Alexandra’s migraine in Sweden, but she had also heard from the British doctor who was visiting her regularly that there was nothing serious wrong with her. Erin was relieved at that, but unsure what to do. She had been given time off, but she had no idea what to do with it. She remained at the palace, just in case Alexandra decided she wanted to go somewhere.
She felt relief at moving their relationship back to purely professional. It was easier for her to detach and just do the job. She didn’t know how much it might affect her having to still see the Princess, but she thought she could do it. If Alexandra ever emerged from her rooms, that was.
Alexandra had spent two weeks catatonic in her apartment refusing to see anyone, with Jess and Alicia fussing round her.
She hadn’t really spoken a word and Jess and Alicia knew better than to pry.
“I’d like to see Prince Nicolas,” she said out of nowhere one morning.
“Sure,” responded Jess, ever efficient. “I will make it happen. You want him to come here?”
Alexandra nodded, gazing into the distance.
“Of course.” Jess hurried off, eager to make it happen.
Nicolas flew in the next day, keen to speak to Alexandra. He hadn’t heard from her since her visit to Sweden and he was worried. But he respected her decision to be left alone. He understood she was unwell and perhaps needed some time. He arrived at the palace, curious as everyone else to find out what was happening.
Alexandra waited in her drawing room to receive Nicolas. Alicia had done the best she could and made her up naturally, doing what she could to hide the bags under her eyes and the gaunt look on her face. Alexandra wore a simple green dress, which hung off her slightly now. Heartbreak has always been a fast weight loss solution.
Nicolas arrived and greeted Alexandra warmly. He kissed both her cheeks. Jess scurried around serving them both drinks and sandwiches and then left them alone.
“Nicolas, I want to thank you so much for coming all this way just to see me. I know you have given me every opportunity to speak openly and honestly with you and you have shown me every respect. And yet, I have remained guarded, I haven’t shared my secrets and for that I am sorry. I need to be honest with you now.”
“Alexandra, you have no need to thank me or apologise. We all have our secrets, it is the nature of being a royal. We choose to share if and when we need to.”
“I know. And I need to now. I have realised over the past couple of weeks that I cannot go on feeling like this. I have never told anyone this before, but I trust you implicitly. I welcome your advice.”
“Go on,” Nicolas was warm and open and respectful and Alexandra was eternally grateful for that.
“I haven’t married yet, because I’m not interested in men. It is women that I love and only women. I always have. I am gay.”
“Oh Alexandra. I’m so honoured you felt you could share with me. It is your bodyguard isn’t it. The one with the dark hair? She is the woman you love?”
“How did you know?” Alexandra raised her head.
“I saw the way you looked at her. I may not say a lot, but I see a lot. This is the cause of your pain isn’t it? This forbidden love?”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Alexandra, please do not apologise for who you are. Please do not apologise for hurting me. We are friends. I welcome your honesty.”
“What do I do now though?” Alexandra looked to him intently, realising that perhaps he was right in that they had become friends over the past few months. She did trust him. She was speaking openly with him as normal people did with their friends.
“Oh, my darling. I see your pain. I will stand by you through this. You have a couple of options as I see it. Firstly, you can carry on with your marriage to me and I will keep your secrets for you. You would be very welcome to have her live with us and I will give you both all the privacy and respect in the world. But honestly, Alexandra, I see the pain in your eyes. I’m not sure you can continue living a double life, it is killing you. It is 2020 Alexandra, you could come out. You are in a position of great power. I know you think your father holds the power and you need to please him, but really he doesn’t. You are the future of the monarchy. You are one of the most adored women in the world. You can make this choice to come out. There is gay royalty out there. There will be more in the future. Of that I am sure. Yes, you would, of course be the most high profile Royal to come out. But you would pave the way for the future. You would be an ambassador, a role model. You would be authentic to yourself and that will bring out the real light within you. Think about it, Alexandra. I will meet with your parents and their advisors with you and support you if it is something you want to do. But I see it in you, such a big, bold part of you. You could do so much good here, for yourself and for others. You love this bodyguard don’t you?”
“Yes. Very much.”
“What is her name?”
