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Glenn rolls his eyes. “You know how many women come in here from out of town looking for the two of you? More than I can count. You could do dirty thirty with no problem any month of the goddamn year. They’ll throw themselves at you. Won’t even have to hit on them. It’ll be the easiest pussy you’ve ever had.”
Annabelle leans over the bar. “I’ll make sure every girlfriend of mine stays away from this bar during your month, Glenn. I don’t need you fucking over my friends.”
The two of them don’t have an easy relationship. They never did, but especially after the way Glenn came after Frankie last month. But they’re slowly getting better. Maybe.
Glenn sends her an evil grin. “If all your friends are as cold as you, they don’t have to worry.”
“I’ll think about it,” I say, cutting in before they can start going at each other. Just to make sure a fight doesn’t break out. “Who knows, maybe in two months I’ll get married too.”
Frankie looks over at me, coming out of the trance he’s been in because of Annabelle. “You got someone in mind?”
I shake my head no. It’s a lie, but Frankie doesn’t have to know that. I mean, he knows about Tia. They all do, but I haven’t told them that I’m going to try again. Until today, we hadn’t seen each other since the cereal incident, and that was totally intentional. But it’s been three years, and the dates and one-night stands I’ve had since then, they’ve been nothing. Absolutely nothing has gotten her out of my head and the idea of what might have been if I hadn’t left, or if I had asked her to wait for me. I should have just fucking asked.
So I decided, not long after Frankie and Annabelle got married, that I’m going to do it. I’m going to try to win her back. It took me almost a month, but we’re there. I don’t even mind that it didn’t go as planned because at least I’ve taken the first step. Hell, if Frankie could win back Anna after all the shit that went down, then I have to have a chance, right?
Back in high school, when Tia and I were together, she was one of the only good things in my life. And I loved her. People will disagree and say that someone that young can’t know what love is, but we did. I loved her more than anything. If I had a choice between loving her and taking my next breath, I know what I would have chosen. Now I have all the money I could dream of, and it means nothing because I don’t have her. Everything feels empty and meaningless. And I won’t be able to move on until I know for sure.
I have to do this, and I’ve been wasting enough time telling myself that we both needed time. It’s a lie. We’ve needed closure, and we don’t have it. I was waiting, afraid that it will go just as badly as it did last time. But she saved me from the bricks instead of dumping them on me, so that’s a start. Enough is enough. We’ve waited too long already. And I need a game plan. But before even a game plan, I need some actual sleep.
Sliding what’s left of my beer back across the bar, I stand up and stretch. Annabelle notices first. “Leaving so early?”
I nod. “I’ve got some stuff to take care of,” I say. “Need to get some sleep first.”
Frankie clasps his hand in mine and Glenn gives me a wave as I head off. They don’t question it, and I hope beyond hope that what I said was the truth and that I’ll actually get some sleep. I miss it.
Pulling up to my house, I’m dreading the inevitable. I’m going to go to bed and wake up in hours reliving something. Either one of the bloody battles I survived or my father’s fists. Both will leave me shaken and sweating, and then I won’t be able to sleep till dawn. I probably should have stayed at the bar, delaying the inevitable. But I so want to be fresh and rested for tomorrow, to feel capable and not useless.
I promised that I would call Jerry if the nightmares got bad again, and I haven’t. I feel bad about that, but he’s got enough to worry about without me. The man’s a force of nature running the grocery stores in town and one of the homeless shelters. He doesn’t need me to add to his problems. I try to give back to him for all his kindness to me. His shelters get regular donations of money and food, and I buy all my groceries from him now—and pay. Having money does have its perks when you’re able to pay it forward.
